


All It Took

by Dontthinktwice



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Costia hates Clark, F/F, Fine Stud Lexa, Jealousy, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2017-08-18
Packaged: 2018-07-27 15:05:09
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,968
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7623376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dontthinktwice/pseuds/Dontthinktwice
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All it took was one look across the bar. Just one fleeting glance and they were both done. </p>
<p>Clarke transfers to Boston University mid semester to pursue art and be with her best friends. She meets a lot of great new people, including badass soccer star Lexa Woods...and her girlfriend Costia. Emotions will be tested as Clarke and Lexa come to terms with the fact that they might have feelings for each other, and Lexa will start to question if she was ever really happy with her life before.  </p>
<p>OR</p>
<p> The one where Clarke and Lexa meet and totally have chemistry but Lexa's girlfriend of two years will do whatever it takes to make Lexa stay with her. Its a sexy/cute/funny recipe for disaster.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Welcome

Clarke checked herself in the mirror one more time just to make sure she looked okay. 

This was the night she was getting introduced to her future school mates and it was a little more nerve wracking than she chose to show. Sure she already had Octavia and Raven, they’d been best friends since high school, but something about starting a new school in the middle of the semester felt a little scarier. 

She had just transferred to Boston University to become an art major, and after having finally stood up to her mother about not wanting to be a doctor, she was excited for this new start. So here she was, on her way to a local bar frequented by BU college students, to meet up with Octavia, Raven, and a bunch of their friends. What was the worst that could happen? 

\----------------------

She walked into the dimly lit bar and immediately found Octavia.

“Oh my god you’re here!! Fucking finally, i’ve been so excited I haven’t been able to stop telling everyone about my blonde sidekick whom I need to squeeze right now!” 

Octavia grabbed her and hugged her so tight she thought she might run out of oxygen.

“Hey O, I’ve missed you too! This is so exciting!” 

Just then Raven launched herself into her arms and began peppering Clarke's face with kisses. 

“And what about me? Youre smarter and more lovable best friend?” 

Octavia shot her a glare. 

Clarke just grabbed Raven and spun her around in her arms a couple of times before replying.

“I missed you too, you genius of a girl who smells suspiciously like someone who has had too many vodka cranberries tonight”

Raven stuck out her tongue at Clarke's accusation.

"Get used to it girl, this is only bar they don't card at. Get it while it's hot!"

Clarke just laughed as she was led to the bar.

Once the three girls had their drinks they settled on their stools to catch up. 

“Okay”, Octavia started, as she pointed to a group of people across the bar. 

“Those two over there are Monty and Jasper, they’re both super cool and nerdy and will totally love you.” She pointed to a new group. “And over there that’s Finn, sort of full of himself but nice enough, obviously you know Bellamy, and next to him is Miller, Murphy, and Niylah, all pretty cool. They're a year above us.”

She then smirked and pointed to one last group. “And that hottie with a body is the bf Lincoln, obviously hopelessly devoted to me so don’t even try,” Raven and Clark made a gagging noise. 

“Next to him is Anya, she seems super scary but she’s nicer than she lets people believe she is, and next to her is Lexa. She’s captain of the soccer team, and a total badass. Every girl at this school wants to either be her or screw her, but either way everyone respects her. She’s sort of a wild card, she can be super cool but could totally kill you with one look if she wanted to.”

Clarke was taken aback by this Lexa girls beauty. The way she carried herself was with confidence, like she was preparing for battle, but her deep green eyes made her look sexy and vulnerable all at the same time.

Raven interrupted her staring. “Well I think thats the whole gang! At least everyone worth mentioning. Oh shit wait that girl that just walked up to her, that’s Lexa’s girlfriend Costia.” 

Clarke deflated a little at that. 

“She’s not my favorite person ever, I find her to be a little dramatic and conceited, but they’ve been dating for almost two years so she must be alright.” 

Clarke watched as Costia walked up to Lexa and threaded their hands together possessively.

“Well now that you’ve got the low down you ready to go meet everyone? They’re gonna love you.” 

Clarke nodded nervously as they made there way toward the group of intimidating students. 

Just as the three girls starting walking, Clarke noticed everyone turn to look at her. Jasper spoke up first. “So this is the infamous Clarke Griffin we’ve heard so much about!” He pulled her into a hug. “Welcome to BU you’re gonna be a great addition to this rag tag bunch!” 

Clarke hugged him back graciously. “Well thank you! I’ve heard great things about all of you guys too!” She tried to ignore the glare she was currently getting from Costia.

Bellamy came forward as well, grabbing Clarke and pretending to put her in a headlock. “Well well well the princess decided to come to the dark side. It’s good to see you kid, try not to let Octavia rub off on you more than she already has over the years.”

Clarke smirked as Octavia feigned hurt. “It’s good to see you too Bell!” 

One by one everyone properly introduced themselves, until the only two left were Lexa and Costia. 

Clarke turned to them and plastered on a smile. 

“Hi guys, I’m Clark. Raven and O have told me a lot about you guys, I’m glad we’re finally meeting.” 

As soon as Lexa opened her mouth to say something Costia jumped in.

“Ya Raven Octavia and Bellamy have talked about you so much these past couple of months you would think they were obsessed with you or something.” 

Clarke hated the way the girl talked to her in a condescending way. She didn’t know this girl what 5 minutes and she already knew they were not going to get along. 

She smiled anyway and replied. “Well if it’s any consolation, I’m obsessed with them too.” 

She could see Lexa’s lips turn up in a small smile as if trying to hide a laugh. Costia looked at her in slight annoyance before turning on her heel and heading to go find the others.

There was a beat of silence before Clarke looked at Lexa. 

“Well I don’t wanna make you jealous or anything but I think your girlfriend has a thing for me.”

At this, Lexa let out a full blown laugh. 

“Ya sorry about her, she can be a little uptight with people she doesn’t know. Not to mention all the great things we’ve been hearing about you, I think it made her a little jealous.” 

Clarke couldn’t help but smile at that. 

“Man, all these compliments I'm getting tonight! I might start to get a big head.” 

Lexa smiled and stared at Clarke a beat before replying.

“Well don’t worry, we can arrange to have you knocked down every once in a while. Keep you humble.” 

Clarke smiled.

“Wow thank you, it’s good to know people still care.” 

Lexa laughed again and stuck her hand out. “Well we never officially met, I’m Lexa woods, humble and caring human being.” 

Clarke smiled and shook her hand. 

“I’m Clarke Griffin, egotistical new girl.” 

Lexa looked at her with those deep green eyes and smiled. “Well it’s great to meet you Clarke Griffin. Welcome to Boston.”


	2. Blindsided

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! So I got this chapter out a little earlier, but it's mostly POV from Lexa the night of meeting Clarke! Thanks for all the feedback I hope you enjoy!

Lexa had just arrived at the bar with Costia, Anya and Lincoln, and already she needed a drink. 

They were meeting up with their friends to meet this newcomer Clarke that Octavia and Raven hadn’t stopped talking about ever since they discovered she was transferring to BU. 

If she were being honest she didn’t much care for pointless pleasantries with people she probably would never hang out with again. 

Not that this Clarke girl didn’t sound nice, it’s just that she liked to keep her circle of friends tight, and wasn’t really in the market for a new bff. But she would suck it up and pretend to be excited that their once small crew was now expanding yet again. 

She had never been one for large group outings, with the exception of small campus bars such as this one, and though her reputation would uphold that she was a frequent partier, she knew deep down that she would much rather be at home reading or listening to music and lazing around.

Not that her girlfriend would ever allow that on a Saturday night, she thought as she mentally rolled her eyes. 

She loved Costia, she did, but sometimes she just wanted so badly to get away from it all. 

The parties, the clubbing, the endless supply of alcohol that people seemed to always be supplying them with. 

It was a bit much sometimes, and lately it seemed like she was the only one who felt that way. 

Not that she didn’t enjoy her life at BU. She was captain of the soccer team, top of her class, and on her way to becoming a very successful business woman.

Not to mention she was lusted after by most people at school.

She wasn’t one to brag, but she worked hard to have the body that she did, so was it such a crime for people to take notice? She didn’t like to think so. She appreciated girls, and they appreciated her back. 

She was happy.

Usually.

Lately though she just felt sort of empty and bored. Was this all there really was? This was life? 

She hoped not

So now here she was at this bar, waiting to meet this new girl and pretending she was enjoying the way Costia always seemed to hang on her when they were in public. 

\-----------------

She was just finishing her drink when she saw Octavia and Raven heading over with Clarke, and she began mentally preparing herself for the introductions. 

When she glanced up however, she was met with the bluest eyes she had ever seen, and golden wavy hair that cascaded in a way that was so effortlessly beautiful. She had the sudden urge to run her fingers through that hair and feel the softness of it.

She knew she was staring when she saw Costia glaring at the girl, but she couldn’t help but feel a little blindsided. They could have mentioned that she looked like a damn fallen angel. 

She didn’t really know what to think, with the way her heart started beating really fast.

She was never like this around girls. She was a stud, a master at the art of seduction, and definitely not someone who got nervous in the presence of a pretty girl. It was usually the other way around. 

She was so taken aback by Clarke’s sheer beauty that it took her a minute to realize she had just introduced herself.

“Hi guys, I’m Clarke.” She heard her say.

But just as she opened her mouth to introduce herself Costia beat her to it.

“Ya Raven Octavia and Bellamy have talked about you so much these past couple months you would think they were obsessed with you or something.” 

She gaped at Costia’s sudden rudeness, when Clarke immediately replied. 

“Well if it’s any consolation, I’m obsessed with them too.”

She couldn’t help but smile at the blonde’s quick wittedness. This girl was smart. She didn’t put up with anyones shit. She liked it. 

She knew she should probably do something to reassure her girlfriend that Clarke was no threat to their relationship, but after almost two years, she was sick of having to make a show of affection to prove to Costia that she loved her. 

So she just sat there as her girlfriend huffed and walked away to join the others.

The rest of the conversation with just her and Clarke flowed smoothly and she found herself laughing more than she had laughed in weeks.  
She realized then and there how easily one could get lost in those deep blue eyes and how cute it was when she laughed and scrunched up that perfect little nose. 

She almost slapped herself for thinking these things about someone who wasn’t her girlfriend, but she knew it was harmless, and that she was just making an observation about a girl who would maybe become a good friend. 

That was all. 

When she felt herself practically drooling, she figured it was time to shake herself out of this trance and go find Costia to make sure she wasn’t causing anymore trouble.

She gave Clarke once last glance before responding, 

“Well it’s great to meet you Clark, welcome to Boston.” 

The blonde girl smiled and nodded, and with that she walked away, 

feeling a little lighter, a little more buzzed, and a lot happier than she was an hour ago. 

Maybe having Clarke join the group wouldn’t be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So hopefully you enjoyed seeing Lexa's take on what happened at the bar. I won't always show situations from both view points, but I thought it would be nice for this chapter!


	3. It's Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! I just want to say thank you so so much for all the comments and feedback, it really does help a lot! If anyone has any suggestions or anything they would like to see let me know! This chapter is a little longer than the others so hopefully you enjoy!

The following Monday was Clarke’s first day of classes, and after her last one, an art history lecture, she met up with Raven to grab some ice cream and walk around campus so she could start to get her bearings. 

Before long, they found themselves walking past the soccer field. 

“Hey is Lexa over there?” Clarke asked, trying not to sound too hopeful. 

“Ya she’s over there. So is Anya and Niylah, lets go watch for a little.” Raven replied and started walking them in the direction of the team, currently running plays down the field.

When they approached the fence Clarke could see her three new friends (sort of) dribbling the ball down the field. She felt the breathe catch in her throat when Lexa came in to better view, and Clarke could that she was wearing only a sports bra and running shorts. 

The sweat glistened off her toned stomach and her legs looked like they went on for miles. She could’t help but think about running her fingers over the bumps and ridges of her slick body because holy shit this girl was unreal. Was she created in a factory or something? It wasn’t fair to look that good after an afternoon of running and sweating. She suddenly found herself hating Costia even more.

When one of the girls failed to properly pass the ball to her teammate yet again, Lexa frustratingly threw her hands in the air and started yelling. 

“I must have forgotten the part where we decided we wanted to lose our next game!!! I forgot that you guys joined the team just for shits and giggles and i’m so very sorry you’ve been so put out at practice today! Maybe next practice we can just use the time to take a nap and talk about our feelings!!” Lexa seethed as she looked each and every one of her teammates in the eye. 

Clarke found this new commanding side of Lexa extremely intimidating and completely sexy. She stood there looking like a greek goddess, all the while yelling at everyone to, ‘pull their heads out of their asses, wipe the shit out of their eyes, and play the damn game properly’. The only person on the team who looked unfazed was Anya, who was calm, probably used to her best friends outbursts. 

Raven chuckled and turned to Clarke. “Haven’t seen this side of her yet, huh new girl?”

Clarke smirked and shook her head as Raven continued.

“I know she seems like a hard ass but she just wants everyone to push themselves to be better. The girl can yell for days but when one of her girls does something good Lexa’s the first one to praise them. She’s a good leader that way. They respect her.” 

Clarke smiled and watched as Lexa cooled off and had the team run another play.

After a few more minutes of Clarke ogling her, Lexa looked over and noticed the pair. She called for a water break, and headed over to say hi. 

\--------------

Lexa was just getting back into drills when she looked up and saw Clarke and Raven standing at the fence watching. She berated herself for the way she immediately felt happier. 

She started walking toward the two girls to say hi, even though she was in the middle of an intense practice and her team didn’t deserve a break after the way they had been playing. She approached them anyway, leaning on the fence as she spoke. 

“So, come to join the team or just like what you see?” Lexa smirked, leering at Clarke.

Clarke felt her pulse quicken. 

“Well we were actually trying to find the field hockey team but unfortunately they don’t start practice until spring.” Clarke retorted back, pretending to be upset. 

Lexa raised her eyebrow and puffed out her chest.

“Well hockey players may be cool, but they don’t play the field as well as I do.” Lexa smirked, proud of that one, even though she knew she should’t be egging Clarke on like that. It was innocent banter right?

Clarke just chuckled and shook her head. She couldn’t say anything back to the confident soccer captain because everything that popped into her head sounded too sexual. 

Instead Raven spoke up. Clarke and Lexa both looked at her in surprise, as if forgetting that she was there too. 

“So you were working the girls pretty hard today. I haven’t seen Niylah look that worn out in a long time.”

Lexa’s eyebrows knitted together as she spoke.

“Well if they want to win any more games this season they’ve got to start acting like it. They’re on this team for a reason, and I won’t put up with laziness or incapability.”

Raven started saying something else but all Lexa could focus on was the way Clarke was licking her ice cream. It had started dripping down the cone while they were talking and she was now lapping it up with her tongue. Lexa felt her mouth go dry as she thought about Clarke doing other things with that tongue. 

She had to quickly shake that thought away because she was in a committed relationship and could not think these things about Clarke, even though she had a drip of ice cream on her perfect pink lips and looked adorably content, when she was eating something she so clearly loved. 

And that’s when the thought hit her. 

Clarke didn’t know just how beautiful she was. 

She didn’t know that she could walk around wearing jean shorts and a tank top and make it look like it came out of a magazine. She didn’t know that when she smiled at people, genuinely smiled, she possessed the ability to make their knees weaken. She didn’t know that she looked so fucking cute and so fucking sexy all at the same time eating that ice cream cone when she thought no one was watching. 

She didn’t know any of these things. 

Lexa knew that she didn’t know any of these things because Clarke was never trying to look a certain way or act a certain way. She felt it the night they met at the bar too. It all just came natural to her and she didn’t even know it. Like making people feel somersaults in their stomachs was as easy as breathing for her.

Lexa suddenly felt very dizzy and very overwhelmed at this realization. This needed to stop right away. 

She needed to get away from Clarke before she did or said something she would regret. 

Like idk maybe, “Did you know that you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever laid eyes on and I want to tell you everyday that you’re the coolest person ever and you don’t even have to try and I wish I could kiss you right now even though once again I fucking have a girlfriend who would actually murder me if she saw how my fingers just twitched because I so badly want to tuck that piece of hair behind your ear”.

She she let out a breathe as if she had been holding it in for days. She was suddenly feeling very worn out. 

Once Raven was finished talking (about who knows what) she stood up straight, mustered up her dignity, and replied, 

“Well it was nice to see you guys but i’ve got to get back. Break’s over”.

Just as she turned to leave, however, she remembered something. She turned back saying, 

“Hey I almost forgot! Party at my place tonight. Nothing too fancy we just want to have people over to celebrate Lincoln’s 23rd. It starts at 9 so come over whenever you want.” She internally slapped herself because wow so far she was doing a fantastic job of distancing herself from Clarke. But she couldn’t help it. She had to invite her, it would be rude not to. 

Clarke smirked and spoke up, 

“Hmm I might be able to make it but I’m pretty busy tonight so I’ll see if I can pencil you in.”

Lexa laughed and rolled her eyes, and as she turned to head back to her team she replied, 

“I’ll see you tonight blondie.” 

Clarke laughed as she and Raven began walking away. 

Their walk back to the dorms was silent until finally Raven spoke up.

“So......what was that about?”

Clarke feigned ignorance.

“What are you talking about Ray?”

Raven just smiled and shook her head slightly.

“C’mon princess i’ve known you for years. You totally have the hots for Lexa. I noticed the way you lit up every time you two played your twisted little flirtation game.”

Clarke tried to defend herself, “I do not ‘have the hots’ for Lexa what are you 90 years old? She’s just fun to mess with because she’s quick like me.”

Raven didn’t believe it for a second.

“Look I personally think you two would be cute together in a perfect world but you’ve got to be careful with that one. For one she has a girlfriend, a very possessive girlfriend, and two she used to be a known player. I heard that before she and Costia got together she slept with more girls than she could count. She would just sleep with them and then be done with them. A real class-A womanizer. Everyone was surprised when Costia finally tamed the beast.”

Clarke tried not ignore the pang of hurt in her stomach at hearing about Costia winning over Lexa’s heart. 

“Well you don’t need to worry Ray, I’m not gonna make a move on Lexa. I just want to be her friend that’s all.”

Raven decided to let it go and change the subject.

“Well anyway, lets get back to our rooms so we can chill until we have to get ready for the party tonight.” 

Clarke agreed and they walked off. 

 

\------------

They were standing outside the apartment Lexa shared with Lincoln and Anya at promptly 9:45. Raven brought beer and Clarke brought whiskey for the birthday boy, knowing his true present would be given by Octavia tonight in the bedroom. Even though Raven and Clarke were disgusted by that thought, they couldn’t help but be happy that their friend had found someone as great as Lincoln. 

After just a few seconds, Anya opened the door and Clarke could see about 30 people milling about inside. Music pumped through the speakers and everyone was either dancing, chatting in corners, or engrossed in a game of poker that was currently happening at the dining room table.

Anya nodded at them as she spoke.

“Hey Reyes. Griffin. Welcome to our humble abode, come on in and don’t break anything.” She smirked a little and ushered them in. 

The first thing Clarke noticed was how spacious this apartment was. 

It was loft style with high vaulted ceilings and exposed brick. I mean shit, one months rent here could probably pay off Clarke’s entire dorm building for the whole year. These roommates had to be loaded. 

She walked over to greet Lincoln and Octavia but was immediately pulled aside by none other than Costia. 

Clarke internally groaned, getting ready for an argument when Costia spoke up.

“Look I want to say sorry for how I acted the other night. I should have been more welcoming to you but I’ll try harder from now on. Lets just start over okay?”

Although Clarke felt that the apology was insincere, she shook it off and smiled.

“That sounds great Costia thanks for apologizing.” 

At that Costia nodded and smiled and walked back towards the crowd. 

\------------

Lexa watched from across the room as Clarke and Raven moved about the apartment, making conversation with different people. She would never admit it but she found herself glancing at the clock more frequently than usual, wondering when the blonde she was suddenly so intrigued with was going to arrive. 

And when she did arrive, wearing a pair of high waisted black shorts and a flowy lavender tank top, Lexa couldn’t help but smile. Effortless. 

She decided it was time to go greet the pair. 

\----------

Clarke turned just as Lexa began heading over.

She was breathless per usual as Lexa strode toward them looking like a stud in her black jeans, cut off Bob Dylan shirt, and converse. 

Lexa smiled at her as she approached.

“Well look who decided to grace us with her presence tonight. Looks like you were able to pencil me in after all huh?” 

Clarke grinned and replied, “Well I did have to move some things around but I figured Lincoln was worth it.”

Lexa poked her tongue out at Clarke. 

Just then Octavia joined them, throwing an arm around Clarke’s shoulders, something she did a lot when she was drinking. It didn’t take much for her to get wasted and Clarke could tell she was well on her way there. 

She leaned in and planted a kiss on Clarke’s cheek.

“Claaaarke I’m so glad you go to school here now. I can kiss your cheeks all the time and you smell so nice and are always pretty.” she slurred. 

Clarke chuckled and reciprocated the arm and kisses to Octavia. 

What she missed however was the way Lexa’s eyes darkened longingly and her smile faltered slightly. 

Raven didn’t miss it though.

After they all chatted and made fun of Octavia’s inability to form a coherent sentence, they went their separate ways to get drinks and mingle. 

\---------------

It was about midnight when Clarke decided to take a break from the craziness inside and head out to the large balcony off of Lincoln’s bedroom. He was currently making out with Octavia on the couch so she didn’t think he would mind.

She leaned against the railing and looked out at the expanse of the night sky, wondering, as she often did when her mind was muddled, if her dad was looking down on her. 

He had had a heart attack when she was 15 years old, and not a day went by that she didn’t think about him. She often found herself wondering if he would be proud of the person she had become. She hoped so. 

She hoped that he would be proud that she was pursuing art, because he aways taught her to do what makes your heart happy, and she hoped he would be proud that she dated what ever gender she wanted to, because he always taught her to screw societies labels, and she hoped most of all that he would be proud that no matter how heavy her heart felt at times, she never lost faith in the world, because he always taught her that life could be a beautiful adventure, so long as you allowed it to be. 

She hoped these things every day, and wished desperately for confirmation that she would end up happy. That she would end up okay. 

She didn’t really know why she was thinking all of this right now, in the middle of a party for a 23 year old, but it was quiet out here and looking at the stars made her think of simpler days. 

She was in such deep thought that she hardly noticed the tall brunette approaching her until she spoke. 

“Well well well, looks like someone else found my secret escape spot.”

Clarke smiled as Lexa mimicked her to lean against the balcony railing.

She replied, “Well appears that I have in fact found it but I’m sorry to say that I saw some people out here earlier as well. So it looks like your hiding spot isn’t so hidden after all”

Lexa pretended to pout before Clarke continued. 

“But still, I won’t tell anyone. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Clarke crossed her heart to make a mock promise. 

Lexa just chuckled and and nodded her acceptance before speaking out.

“So Clarke, I don’t see a drink in your hand, you pacin’ yourself tonight?” Lexa smirked.

Lexa was surprised however with her response.

“Nah I had a couple beers earlier but I’m not always a huge drinker like Raven and Octavia. Shocking I know.”

Lexa raised her eyebrows.

“You’re not a huge drinker? Clarke you’re a sophmore in college how can you not be a huge drinker?”

Clarke smiled sadly and gazed back out at the sky.

“My dad died a while back and afterward my mom started drinking a lot. It sort of tore the family apart even more than we already were and it totally consumed my moms life for a while. She stopped caring about things and turned into this shell of who she used to be.”

Lexa’s face fell as she apologized.

“I’m so sorry Clarke I had no idea.”

Clarke just smiled and shook her head.

“No it’s totally fine. Really. It was a long time ago and me and mom are okay now. It just sort of made me more aware of how easy it is to lose control sometimes. I mean it’s not that I don’t drink. I do. It’s just that I do it on my own terms. Im not gonna drink just to drink you know?”

Lexa looked at Clarke in amazement. 

“It must be hard though with people pressuring you, especially in college. I mean people must constantly bother you about drinking right?” Lexa asked curiously.

“Well all the more reason for me not to then. I’m not gonna do something just because people expect me to. Screw that. I’ll do what I want, and if I feel like taking shots of tequila and chasing it with vodka, I’ll drink up, but if I feel like ordering a lemonade at the club, I will drink the shit out of that lemonade. I’m sick of people feeling obligated to act a certain way because it’s the norm.” 

Lexa stared at Clarke in wonderment. She was impressed. And totally in awe of who Clark was. If anything this only fueled her longing to know more about the blonde in front of her. 

“Well you, Clarke Griffin, are quite the pioneer. I’m honored to know you and I wish more people felt the way you do.” Lexa said honestly as she too looked out at the night sky. 

She couldn’t help but wonder about her own choices in life. 

She too often found herself wishing she were anywhere else but at another college party, drinking the night away yet again. She wished she had the courage to tell her friends that she didn’t always feel like getting drunk and instead would like to actually go do something fun. Have a bonfire, or go to a concert, or even just walk around in the city. Something. Anything to make this life feel like more than it did right now. Life was supposed to be an adventure right? So why did it feel like she was stuck? Like she was lost and trying desperately to find herself again? She hoped that she would find the answer to that soon because honestly, she was tired of this. And she knew deep down that she had been tired of this for a long long time. 

They were both quiet in thought for a moment before Clarke started up again. 

“So Bob Dylan huh?”

Lexa chuckled proudly and replied, “Yep. He’s one of the best there ever was.”

Clarke smiled at that. 

“Some might say THE best there ever was.”

Lexa turned to her again.

“Wait you actually like Dylan too? I was ready to defend his honor like I have to do with literally all of my friends.”

Clarke huffed and nudged Lexa’s shoulder.

“Oh puulease you don’t get to be the only cool and cultured one here. I’m obsessed with Bob Dylan. I used to listen to his records all the time, I grew up with them!”

Lexa couldn’t wipe the smile off of her face if she tried.

“Do you have a favorite of his?” She asked excitedly.

Clarke immediately replied, “I do, my favorite song ever is Don’t Think Twice It’s Alright.”

Lexa felt her world tilt on its axis and her heart flutter.

“Clarke that’s my favorite song in the entire universe. I listen to it at least every single day. 

Clarke just stared at Lexa in shock before Lexa continued.

“I have never met anyone in my life whose favorite song is Don’t Think Twice. Are you even real? And why have we never met before?”

Clarke laughed and shrugged her shoulders. 

“Well maybe we have. In a past life or something.”

Lexa stared at her a beat and smiled softly before replying. 

“Ya, maybe we have.” 

\------------

They continued to stare at each other, as if looking away right now was impossible. 

Lexa started unconsciously leaning toward Clarke and Clarke did the same.

She noticed Lexa’s mouth part, before her eyes glanced down to Clarke’s lips, then back up to her eyes. 

Their faces were mere inches apart when someone suddenly burst out of Lincoln’s room and on to the balcony.

They pulled apart faster than they could blink and Clarke noticed Lexa visibly pale, as if realizing what she had almost just done. 

It was then that the interrupter spoke up.

“Hey Lexa, Costia needs you. She’s totally hammered and everyone is trying to get her to lie down before she blacks out. 

Lexa groaned frustratingly as she was snapped back into reality, and she frowned, wishing that she could stay out here with Clarke forever. Feeling invincible to the problems of the world around them. 

Instead, she turned to leave, with Clarke following behind. 

When they found Costia she could hardly stand up and was loudly cackling at something somebody said. 

Lexa approached her and grabbed her by the waist. Costia turned to her and broke out into a huge grin as she slurred, 

“Babyy i’ve missed you where have you been? You wanna take a shot with me?”

Lexa looked at her and shook her head.

“C’mon It’s time to get you to bed before you fall over.”

Costia stuck out her bottom lip in a pout but allowed Lexa to pull her away. 

They only made it a few steps however, when she started to slip out of Lexa’s grip.

Clarke ran over to help and they each took grabbed a side and practically carried her to Lexa’s room.

Once they got inside, Lexa laid Costia on her bed and started taking off her shoes. Costia just laid there watching before she slurred again.

“Mmm who knew it was this easy to get you to undress me.” She smirked seductively as she said it, not realizing Clarke was in the room.

Lexa, however, didn’t forget, and looked up at Clarke apologetically before replying, 

“C’mon Costia lets get you under the covers.”

Costia didn’t budge and instead grabbed Lexa’s forearm.

“C’mon Lex lets screw each others brains out like we always used to after a party. It’ll be just like old times when you acted like you gave a shit about me.”

Lexa’s cheeks reddened before she pulled her arm out of Costia’s grasp.

“Stop it Costia. You’re wasted and you need to go to sleep. You told me you were going to take it easy tonight, what the hell happened to that?” 

Lexa was angry at Costia for once again putting her in this position, but she was angrier at herself for thinking that tonight would be any different. 

As Lexa started lifting the covers for her, Costia spoke up again.

“Lexa just tell me that you love me.”

Once again Lexa’s eyes widened as she opened her mouth to tell Costia that now was not the time. Costia however cut her off.

“Cos-”

“Just say it Lexa! Just tell me you love me and i’ll let it go.”

Lexa sighed regretfully before replying, 

“I love you Costia.”

She couldn’t help but glance at Clarke as she said those words, and her heart constricted at the slightly saddened look on Clarke’s face. 

After silently helping Lexa get Costia into bed, Clarke decided it was time to leave the room and get out of this awkward situation she found herself in. 

She turned to Lexa as she spoke.

“Well it looks like you’ve got everything covered here. Goodbye Lexa.”

Lexa opened her mouth to say something, but Clarke walked out of the room before she could get it out. 

She exhaled slowly and looked down at her girlfriends sleeping form, before heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed. 

Later that night, when sleep eluded her, she found herself thinking about a certain blonde who had been occupying all of her thoughts lately.

And for the first time in years, she finally admitted to herself that this was not enough. 

She yearned for something more fulfilling, and she thought that maybe, just maybe it was time for a change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you enjoyed that chapter! I know everybody is probably wondering why the hell Lexa is still with Costia if she's so unhappy, but I promise I will explain it all in the next chapter! I will try to get the next chapter out in the next couple of days!


	4. The Past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys I'm sorry this came out a little later than expected but I have been super busy lately! This chapter is also a bit shorter than the last but I promise the next one will make up for it! As always thank you so so much for the feedback I love reading the comments:)

Lexa awakened the next morning to someone draped across her body. 

She smiled contentedly and closed her eyes, reveling in the feel of the blondes arms tightening around her waist. 

She felt warm lips begin kissing a path from her neck up to her jaw, and she couldn’t help the blissful moan that came out of her mouth. 

Lips continued to travel across her face and she opened her eyes to plant a kiss on Clarke’s perfect mouth. 

When brown eyes came into focus, however, she noticeably jumped back, realizing she was looking into the eyes of her girlfriend. 

She tried to shake off the surprised look she was more than likely sporting, but Costia had already noticed.

“Mmm you okay baby?” She asked sleepily and unfazed.

“What? Ya! Sorry, I just thought I was gonna sneeze for a second. How do you feel this morning?”

Costia groaned as she snuggled closer to Lexa.

“Ugh remind me to never drink that much again.”

Lexa barely held back an annoyed laugh as she replied, 

“I do. Every week.”

Costia chuckled, missing the sarcastic tone to Lexa’s voice. 

“Well ya you say it, but you never actually make sure I don’t do it.” She began tracing circles on Lexa’s toned stomach. 

“I’ve tried Cos. You just never seem to hear me. You do this every weekend.”

She could feel Costia tense, before replying, 

“Mmm I don’t wanna argue about it right now lets just keep cuddling a little longer.”

Lexa rolled her eyes. Of course she didn’t want to argue about it right now. Because she was in the wrong here, not Lexa. She would just brush it under the rug like always.

Lexa decided to let it go however, because after what she almost did last night on the balcony, she was feeling a little guilty herself and figured that discussing each other’s flaws was not the best idea right now. 

Instead she tried going a different route.

“Hey, you wanna go do something fun today? We could go on an adventure somewhere cool we’ve never been.” She could almost hear Costia weighing her options before she quickly replied, 

“As fun as that sounds I was sort hoping today could be just a relaxing day. We can lay in bed and watch netflix and recover from last night a little bit. It’ll be way better I promise.” 

Lexa stopped Costias wandering hands with her own. 

“We always do that though. Don’t you want to go do something for once? Get out of my apartment for a while?” Lexa made sure to enunciate ‘my’ apartment because although Costia was there almost every day, she had never actually asked her to move in.

Costia huffed in annoyance before replying, 

“Lexa i’m telling you I don’t want to go out today can you just respect that? Im tired and I just want to lay in bed and nap!”

Lexa nodded and frustratingly threw off her covers and got out of bed to get dressed.

“What are you doing?” Costia asked confused.

“I’m leaving.” Lexa shrugged her shoulders innocently. 

Costia looked at her perplexed.

“Umm why?”

Lexa started pulling on clothes as she answered. 

“Because I want to go do something and I’m sick of laying around all day every weekend because you never seem to learn your limits.” She knew she was being harsh but honestly at this point she didn’t care. She was so over doting on Costia’s every need and she wouldn’t allow herself to be held back any longer. 

She could hear Costia yelling something back to her but she tuned it out and quickly left her apartment, not noticing the perplexed look on Anya’s face. 

It wasn’t until she was riding down the elevator that she realized she didn’t actually have any plans for what she was going to do today. 

Immediately however, blue eyes popped into her mind and she reached in her back pocket for her phone.

As soon as Clarke answered her heart starting picking up speed.

“Hello?”

“Hey Clarke it’s Lexa! This is super random but I was wondering if maybe you wanted to do something today. Like grab a coffee or something?” Lexa could hear her voice raising an octave with every word she uttered and her cheeks burned red. What was it about this girl that made her so nervous? She was never like this. She used to be so charming and smooth. She was definitely losing her touch.

Clarke hesitated a moment before answering. 

“Lexa I don’t know if that’s such a good idea. After last night I just don’t know if we should be hanging out just us two. I don’t think your girlfriend would appreciate that.” 

Lexa frowned at Clarkes emphasis of the word girlfriend, but she wasn’t giving up that easy.

“C’mon Clarke it’s just coffee. Please? If you don’t go with me I’ll be forced to go all by myself and ponder my thoughts and just be so so lonely all day and everyone will feel so bad for me that a stranger will invite me to hangout with them and i’ll be so lonely that i’ll say yes and then they will probably murder me..........so basically my life is in your hands right now.”

Clarke couldn’t help but laugh at that. She just couldn’t resist this girls charm.

“Okay okay fine we can get coffee. But only because I don’t want my new friends Anya and Lincoln to be mad at me if I get you killed.” 

She could hear Lexa smiling through the phone as she replied,

“Well perfect! Then how about we meet at Dropship Cafe. It’s right down the street from campus.”

Clarke happily obliged. 

“Okay, see you soon, you friendless wonder.”

Lexa just laughed in response and started on her way. 

\----------------

They had been talking and sipping their coffees for about an hour when they both realized that they were starving. They decided to order some food and settle into their booth for what would probably be another hour at the Dropship. Neither girl minded that they were wasting the day away in the cafe anyhow because they were having fun just getting to know one another. 

They were in the middle of eating when Lexa decided to ask the question that had been on her mind since the day she met the blonde.

“So Clarke, do you have a girlfriend waiting for you back at your old school? Or boyfriend maybe, idk?” She smiled and tried to sound casual even though she felt anything but calm. 

Clarke immediately responded.

“No, actually I don’t. Since most of the students were training in medicine, nobody really had time to be in a relationship.”

Lexa nodded casually, trying to hide her sigh of relief. It’s not like she could do anything about it anyway, and it was selfish to hope Clarke was not madly in love with someone, but regardless she was glad to hear the answer. 

Clarke nudged Lexas shoulder before cheekily adding, “I mean, that’s not to say I didn’t still enjoy myself with certain people from time to time.” She laughed at the way Lexa’s pupils dilated a little. 

Lexa was quick to recover however and shot back at Clarke with a smirk,

“Ya I know what you mean. If I had to go to school with a bunch of stuffy doctors, I would be sexually frustrated too.”

Clarke barked out a laugh before placing her hand over her heart like she was hurt.

“Low blow miss ‘I used to sleep with more girls than I could count’! Who was the real sexually frustrated one huh?”

Lexa just laughed and replied, “Alright touche. You got me there. But I will have you know that people at this school have a tendency to exaggerate the truth a bit. I mean, i’m sure I could count how many girls it was if I really tried hard. ” Lexa smirked triumphantly and Clarke just stuck her tongue out at Lexa disapprovingly. 

There was a moment of silence before Clarke spoke up again.

“Do you wanna go do something fun?”

Lexa smiled and quirked her eyebrow. 

“Okay. What did you have in mind miss adventure?”

Clarke grinned before grabbing Lexas hand and pulling her to her feet. Before she knew what was happening, Clarke threw a twenty on the table and whisked her out the door.

\-------------

Clarke had been dragging Lexa along for about ten minutes and she still hadn’t told her where they were going. As they got deeper into the city though, Lexa could no longer contain her curiosity. 

“Clarke, just tell me where you’re taking me!” She asked with a smile.

Clarke just shook her head and wagged her finger at Lexa. 

“No no no. It’s a surprise I can’t ruin it!”

Lexa chuckled, knowing full well that it didn’t matter where Clarke was taking her. She was happy just being in the blondes company. 

When they stopped in front of a rundown, abandoned looking apartment, however, Lexa turned to Clarke in confusion.

“Um Clarke, did you just bring me along to go ghost hunting with you or are you planning on dragging me in there to murder me?” 

Clarke looked at Lexa and smirked.

“If I was planning on murdering you I would have done it somewhere closer and saved myself the walk.”

Lexa playfully swatted her arm before Clarke grabbed her hand and once again began dragging her up the steps to the front door. 

“Hmm do you have a thing for mice or something Clarke, what is this?” Lexa asked wearily.

Clarke ignored her and started rummaging through the potted plants for the key. 

When she got the door open and pulled Lexa inside she was buzzing with excitement and nervousness. She never really showed people this place. Her hideaway where she could escape life for a little while when things got to much and it seemed like the world was crashing down around her. 

She didn’t know why she was showing it to Lexa of all people. Someone she had just met a week ago, but something about her just felt different. She trusted the girl and knew on some level that she and Lexa shared a common way of thinking. 

Lexa stepped through the threshold and was stunned at what she saw.

She was expecting a decrepit old house. Maybe a home in the middle of a renovation or something. 

But what she was not expecting was to walk into this house and be transported to a completely different world. She was awestruck. 

The inside of the house had been totally gutted, leaving only the four empty walls and creating one big room. Every single inch of the inside had been painted to look like outer space. The floors, the walls, the ceilings. They were all covered in galaxies and planets and constellations and everything that made it so distinctly space. There had to have been over a million hand painted stars blanketing the entirety of the dark space. It was beautiful. 

Lexa was speechless. She had never seen anything like this. It was the most realistic and stunning thing she had ever seen. It was as if someone had gone out and collected the stars and galaxies and put it in a jar and then poured it out on the inside of this rundown looking home. 

Lexa concluded that whoever had painted this was an absolute genius. 

She slowly walked around the entire room looking at every thing in detail before turning to Clarke with a raised brow. 

Clarke just smiled and lifted her shoulder in a shrug before replying, “This is my secret hiding spot. You can’t tell anyone.” 

Lexa smiled at Clarke before she crossed he heart in promise, similar to how Clarke had done the previous night, and continued walking a path around the room. 

“Clarke this place is amazing. How did you find it?”

Clarke shrugged again before replying, “Well when I was about 10 a good family friend of ours bought this place so he could renovate it and rent it out, but he passed away before he could start fixing it up and for some reason he left it to us. My dad never had the heart to sell it to someone else so he decided he would keep it without telling my mom, and it would be our secret little place to escape to.”

Lexa smiled at Clarke sadly before she continued.

“When I got older I got really into painting and my dad was always really fascinated by space so he decided that every time we felt sad or mad or frustrated we would drive out here with our paint, our brushes and photos from an old NASA magazine and we would paint until we forgot why we were upset in the first place.” She smiled fondly at the memories. 

Lexa’s head whipped around and she looked at Clarke with surprise.

“Wait Clarke you painted this?”

Clarke nodded nonchalantly.

“Clarke what the hell? You told me you were studying art but you didn’t tell me you were a god damn modern day Picasso. This is incredible!”

Clarke smiled sheepishly, her cheeks turning a bit red. 

“Thanks. It was always just a fun distraction. I could come here and get totally lost in it.”

Lexa looked at Clarke like she was a work of art herself, and Clarke couldn’t help the way her heart started beating faster. 

She was so screwed. 

She shook the thought away as she walked over and grabbed a blanket that had been folded up in the corner. She laid it out in the middle of the room and motioned for Lexa to come sit beside her on it. 

When they both laid back and looked up at the ceiling, Lexa could have sworn she was really floating amongst the stars. All at once it made her feel incredibly small and very much at peace. She understood why Clarke came here as an escape. 

She glanced over at the blonde, who was staring up at the endless space she had created, once again not knowing how beautiful she looked. 

Lexa turned back to the ceiling before she asked, “So how long did it take you to do all this?”

Clarke scrunched up her nose in thought.

“Well we started when I was about 11 and we got about halfway through by the time I was in high school. After my dad died though I basically finished the rest of it within a few months.”

Lexa raised her eyebrows in surprise, knowing how long that must have taken.

“Sometimes I would drive here in the middle of the night and paint until someone called looking for me. I wouldn’t even realize that I had been working on it for almost a whole day. Time just seemed to stop when I was here. Everything did. I never even wanted to make the outside of the house look nicer because it didn’t even matter to me. I liked that something could look so worn down and broken on the outside, but be so different on the inside.” 

Lexa nodded understandingly. 

The way Clarke talked about this place, made it clear how much it meant to her. She became so passionate and animated when she talked about her different memories here, and Lexa just let her go on, feeling very grateful that Clarke trusted her enough to show her something so important. 

Lexa thought right then and there that Clarke talking about her secret hiding place was probably the most beautiful sight she had ever seen. 

She was so screwed. 

They had been talking and telling stories for about 30 minutes before Clarke sat up and looked down at Lexa with a frown.

“I feel like you know my entire life story and I hardly know anything about you Lexa.”

Lexa smirked before replying.

“Ya my plan is working. I’m trying to be sulky and mysterious.”

Clarke let out a laugh at that. 

“Well too late Woods we’re already friends. You’re stuck with me. Plus I already know you’re a big softy.” Clarke teased. 

Right when Lexa opened her mouth to say something, she was interrupted by her cell phone ringing.

She sighed as she looked down and saw that it was Costia calling, snapping her back to reality yet again. 

She shook her head slightly before sending it to voicemail, knowing full well that she would have to explain herself later. She didn’t care. 

Clarke looked at her curiously, knowing she should stay out of it, but curiosity made her open her mouth anyway.

“Lexa, if i’m overstepping in some way tell me, but i’m just curious....why, I mean how come you..” She hesitated, not knowing how to approach this topic.

Lexa however smiled knowingly before jumping in.

“Why am I still with Costia when things are clearly not going well? You don’t have to have to feel weird about asking, anyone with eyes can see that.”

Clarke looked at her sympathetically before responding, “Well you guys do seem very... different. But what do I know, I just joined this group. I don’t have room to talk.”

Lexa smiled sadly again before deciding that Clarke deserved the truth. 

“Ya I don’t know why it’s so hard for her to just be nicer to people. She didn’t used to be like that when we first met. So territorial and controlling I mean. She was definitely never an angel but at least we could go an hour without arguing. I just don’t know how things got so messed up.”

Clarke nodded understandingly, similar to how Lexa had done with her earlier, before gently asking, 

“So how come you guys stay together? I mean why not end it before things get ugly?”

Lexa sighed before continuing. 

“Well I didn’t tell you this earlier but when I was in high school my dad died too and-”

She was promptly cut off by Clarke grabbing her arm in a panic.

“Oh my god Lexa i’m so sorry I had no idea! All these times i’ve been going on and on about my dad and I never even thought to ask if-”

She too was cut off by Lexa grabbing her arm reassuringly. She smiled as she continued.

“Clarke don’t feel bad I purposely never brought it up. Really it’s no big deal i’m okay now, it’s been a long time.”

Clarke nodded, still feeling guilty but let the brunette go on.

“So growing up I was never close to my mom at all but me and my dad were attached at the hip. He always took my side and I felt like I could never do wrong by him. But when I got to high school I guess I sort of started acting out more. Nothing bad, I just started hooking up with people a lot and I sort of got a reputation as a womanizer. I didn’t really think anything of it but I guess my dad started hearing talk about how I would string people along and then quit on them when things got tough.”

Clarke nodded, encouraging her to go on.

“A little before he died I started dating this girl from school-and I use the word dating lightly- but anyway we weren’t a good fit and it wasn’t serious, so I broke up with her after a couple months, not really thinking she would be so upset but I guess it destroyed her. My dad heard some story from someone about how I completely broke this girls heart and was cold hearted and had no empathy, and I guess my dad had finally had enough and just snapped at me. It was the only big fight I ever remember having with him and I had never seen him so unhappy with me. He went on and on about how he didn’t like who I was becoming and it was disappointing to hear that I treated people with such flippancy. He told me that I was quitting everything I started and didn’t ever see anything through and that I would never get anywhere in life if I couldn’t stop running away when things got hard. It was a bad fight but in retrospect I know he just wanted me to stop acting like a child. But damn the way he talked about this broken hearted girl made me feel like I was a terrible person. I felt awful after that and vowed to never make someone feel that way again. But before I got the chance to make it right my dad, he was killed in a car accident.”

Clarke put her hand on Lexas knee for support, but the brunette was the picture of stoicism. Almost like she had to just get through the story without actually feeling anything. Clarke let her go on.

“So then after that happened, I couldn’t even look at myself I was so disgusted with how I had acted. I pulled away from everything and shut out everyone that cared for me. Anya was the only one who could get me to talk. And then I guess when I got to college I figured fuck it, I might as well act how everyone’s expecting me to. So thats when my real womanizer days came out.” Lexa almost smiled at that part. Almost.

“I had been basically screwing my way through Boston just to prove to myself that I didn’t deserve anything more because all I do is disappoint people. And then Costia came along and It’s not necessarily like she changed me or made me feel love again, I think I was just sick of doing what I was doing. So I agreed to take her out and before I knew it I was in a full on relationship with her. Every time I questioned if that was what I really wanted, I thought back to what my dad said about me and I felt selfish all over again. Every time Costia would tell me she loved me or talked about how much I meant to her I could practically hear my dad begging me not to break her heart. I’m just so damn scared of what he would think of me if I did it again.” Lexas shoulders slumped significantly. 

Clarke took this opportunity to speak up.

“Lexa, I am so sorry that you had to go through that, but your dad loved you no matter what, you must’ve known that. And just because life had such shitty timing, doesn’t mean you have to punish yourself forever. Not everybody is going react the same way as the girl in high school did. You can’t make yourself miserable just so someone else doesn’t get hurt, that’s ridiculous.”

Lexa sighed for the umpteenth time. 

“In retrospect I know you’re right, but I can’t get myself to actually do anything about it. Every time I try to I picture the look on his face when he was telling me to grow up and see things through. And I know he didn’t really know the whole story and people probably made it sound worse than it was but Clarke, you should’ve seen his eyes. He was so disappointed.”

Clarke didn’t really know what to say. The selfish part of her wanted to tell Lexa that surely her father wouldn’t have wanted her to stay with someone just because she didn’t want to hurt anyone and it was ridiculous for her to stay with Costia when she and Lexa together could be so much better. But the rational part of her knew that Lexa just needed a friend right now and dammit, a friend was what Clarke would be. 

She pulled Lexa into a hug and they both just stayed put for several moments. 

When they pulled away they didn’t say anything else, but rather straightened up and nodded at each other. A mutual understanding that they both had gone through a lot and would do their part to help the other heal. They shared a bond that their other friends couldn’t understand, and in that moment they both knew that their new friendship was something special. 

\------------

Later on, as they walked back to campus, feeling emotionally exhausted but no longer alone, Lexa felt something in their friendship shift. 

She knew that Clarke probably felt it too but neither girl commented on it. It was refreshing not to have to explain every train of thought and instead, just exist in a moment. 

Their was a peaceful silence between them and Lexa couldn’t help but feel that this blonde haired, blued eyed new girl was going to mean much more to her than she ever once thought. 

Her heart smiled in relief. Change was coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I hope you enjoyed that one! It was definitely on the boring side compared to the other chapters, but It was necessary to explain some things. Next chapter will be out in the next few days and it will be filled with some Clexa angst and lots of Lexa jealousy! Looks like Niylah might be swooping in soon;) Thank you for reading!!


	5. Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Once again I'm so sorry this took longer than expected but I'm in the process of moving so my life has been hectic! Thank you guys for the continued support and comments, I love reading them. But anyway here's the next chapter I hope you enjoy:)

After their afternoon spent in the vastness of outer space, Clarke and Lexas friendship did in fact start to change. 

They began spending almost every day together whether it was studying, or grabbing food, or hanging out to binge watch Lost on Netflix, and they were together so much that they unconsciously started adapting to the others little quirks.

Clarke hated tomatoes, for example, so no matter where they went, Lexa started automatically ordering her food without tomatoes, just in case the blonde wanted to try some. 

Lexa was secretly terrified of rats, so whenever they were walking through the city, Clarke would automatically walk on the side with the dumpsters and allies, just in case a rat came scampering out by her feet. 

They would walk around parks, telling each other stories of their pasts and hopes for their futures, each girl chipping away at the others defenses. 

They would call each other whenever something funny happened because they knew no one else would appreciate it like they did. 

They would even find themselves buying each other little things that they knew the other girl wouldn’t, out of stubbornness and maybe even laziness. 

Clarke would never forget the night Lexa showed up at her door with some groceries, new plates, and plastic cups, claiming that she was really just looking out for herself because she was sick of eating cereal out of dixie cups when she was at Clarkes. She knew deep down that she just wanted to take care of Clarke the way she deserved. 

And similarly, Lexa would never forget the day she and Clarke met up to walk around town and Clarke showed up late, having bought Lexa a new scarf and a big pull over sweater, knowing full well that if was freezing outside and Lexa was always too stubborn to dress properly for the weather. 

They were quickly becoming very comfortable around each other, maybe even more comfortable than with any one else they knew, and with each day spent exploring new places, their affections for each other grew. Being together was becoming second nature to them, and they both knew that there was something different about their bond. Something stronger. 

They were on their way to being inseparable, and the people around them were beginning to take notice. 

\-----------------------

Lexa had just finished getting dressed and was about to walk out of her apartment to go meet Clarke for movie night, when Costia walked through the door. 

She lifted her brow at Lexas put together outfit, and the bottle of wine in her hands, and crossed her arms waiting for an explanation from her recently absentee girlfriend.

“Lexa where are you going?” She asked in a biting tone.

“I’m going to hangout with a friend for a little.” She tried to sound nonchalant.

Costia bore her eyes into Lexa.

“Were you even going to tell me you were leaving?” 

Lexa huffed in mild aggravation before replying, “I wasn’t aware I had to tell you everywhere I went.” 

Costia rolled her eyes in disgust.

“You’re going to hangout with Clarke aren’t you?”

Lexa opened her mouth to defend her actions but Costia spoke up first.

“Lexa don’t even try to pretend you’re not, you’ve been hanging out with her constantly for the past 3 weeks. It’s like you’re obsessed with her or something!” Costias voice was getting higher and higher and Lexa knew this was going to turn in to a fight.

“Costia she’s my friend! Am I not allowed to have friends? I hang out with Anya and Lincoln all the time and you don’t get mad about that! What is it about Clarke that makes you so angry?” Lexa tried to defend herself.

“I just don’t see what’s so great about Clarke fucking Griffin!” Costia practically yelled.

Lexa was quick to reply. 

“She’s my best friend Costia!” Lexa yelled much louder then she intended, and the silence that followed was deafening. She knew she shouldn’t have said that, that she had gone too far, but something about the way Costia said Clarkes name made her defensive. 

Costia looked at her in defeat before her eyes started welling up with tears. 

Lexa could deal with a lot, but seeing someone cry was not one of them. She immediately regretted opening her mouth and rushed over to Costia, feeling like the terrible girlfriend she had been lately. 

She placed her palm on Costia cheek, forcing her to look at Lexa.

“Costia I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.” She tried to no avail.

Costia shook her head in disbelief before quietly replying, “Yes you did Lexa. You’re with her 24/7. Do you even know the last time you and I did something together?” 

Lexa hung her head in shame, knowing that her girlfriend was right. 

“Clarke is a good friend of mine, yes, and maybe I’ve been hanging out with her a lot lately, but thats just because she’s new and we have a lot in common. Thats it. I promise I will make more time for us from now on.” Lexa felt an odd pang in her chest belittling her and Clarkes friendship, but she knew it was necessary right now. 

She pulled Costia into her arms and muttered, “How about you and I do something tonight. We could go to that restaurant downtown that you love.”

Costia gave in and smiled before pulling Lexa in for a kiss. 

“That sounds great Lexa. All I wanted is for us to spend more time together. Maybe you and Clarke could just pick one day in the week to hangout or something. Go paint a picture with her or whatever it is that she does.” 

At those words, Lexa felt the same sharp stab in her chest, but she knew better than to defend Clarke right now. No matter how much as she wanted to. Instead, she mustered up her best look of excitement and replied, “Sounds good Cos. Go get changed and we can go.”

Her girlfriend lovingly kissed her again before sauntering off toward Lexas bedroom to get dressed. 

As soon as she was out the room, Lexa sighed regretfully and pulled out her phone to text Clarke. 

Lexa  
-Hey Clarke. I’m gonna have to   
cancel tonight, I forgot I had a  
date with Cos. Lets reschedule for   
next week? I’m sorry. I’ll text you!

Without waiting for a response, she put her phone in her pocket and headed out the door with Costia. 

\------------

Clarke looked down at the message from Lexa and tried not to feel such disappointment. Lexa was just doing what other regular girlfriends did.

But that didn’t mean it didn’t still feel shitty.

She sighed before typing back.

Clarke  
-No problem. Was feelin tired  
tonight anyway. its probably good  
we’re rescheduling. Have fun ttyl.

She hit send and fell back onto her bed trying not to think about Lexa and Costia on a date. Probably coming back to Lexas place to ‘screw each others brains out’ as Costia had so delicately put it. 

With her evening suddenly free, she texted Raven, and within 20 minutes, the firey brunette was at her door. 

She waltzed in and plopped herself on Clarkes bed.

“So blondie whats on the agenda tonight?” She asked while popping open the bottle of wine Clarke had purchased for her and Lexas movie night.

“Wanna order pizza and binge watch Love at First Kiss?” Clarke cheerily asked. 

Raven made a face of disgust.

“As terrible as that show sounds, if there’s pizza involved i’m down.”

Clarke smiled at her, feeling grateful for her ever reliable friend.

\------------

By the third episode of the painfully awkward show, Raven could practically hear the wheels turning in the blondes mind.

Raven cleared her throat before speaking up.

“So you gonna tell me what’s bothering you or are you just gonna sit and stew over there?”

Clarke sighed before turning to face her friend.

“Do you ever wish that that you had the power to just poof someone away. Like completely just poof them out of the picture with a wand or something?” Clarke looked skyward, as if fantasizing about it.

Raven chuckled and rolled her eyes. 

“Hmm would you possibly be talking about one Costia Greene?”

Clarke felt her face flush as she opened her mouth to deny it. Right as she tried to speak however, Raven beat her to it.

“Don’t even try to deny it Clarke everybody knows you and Lexa secretly have a thing for each other.” Raven smirked at Clarkes shocked face.

“We do not! And besides, Lexa is in a relationship. That would be totally inappropriate.”

Raven just shook her head in amusement.

“I’ve known you for years Clarke, I can see right through you. I know that you and soccer stud have been hanging out fucking constantly. Everybody sees the way you two treat each other. Ordering what the other likes, having movie nights but not inviting anyone else, walking to your classes together. I personally find it disgusting, but regardless, you can’t deny that you two treat each other differently.”

Clarke slumped her shoulders in defeat, knowing there was no way she could excuse her behavior. 

“I don’t know what to do Ray. I mean I really liker her, and when we are together I feel happier and hopeful and I just love hanging out with her. And she totally acts like she likes me too, but then I think, if she really did, wouldn’t she break up with Costia? I mean I know she feels some obligation to stay with her but it’s just frustrating.” 

Raven looked at Clarke sympathetically. 

“Well you know i’m not very good at this stuff, but the way I see it, if she won’t man up and fight for what she wants, why should you? And I know it might be hard, but maybe you should explore other options. Find someone who can be with you 100% you know?”

Clarke nodded because she knew Raven was right, but it still hurt to think about. 

“Ya maybe you’re right. I mean maybe I could try going on a date. Get my mind off of Lexa.”

Raven patted her back encouragingly.

“There you go, thats the spirit blondie! Now...go getem..”

Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle at the awkwardness that was Raven Reyes giving advice, but she appreciated and loved her friend for it anyway.

“As a matter of fact, Niylah has been texting me lately wanting to hangout. Maybe I should take her up on that.”

Raven nodded, her attention already back on the show she was secretly enjoying the shit out of.

With that, Clarke pulled out her phone at opened a new text.

Clarke  
Hey Niylah, it’s Clarke! I was  
wondering if maybe you wanted   
to hangout soon? Lmk:)

Niylahs response was immediate, as she had been crushing on the blonde for a while now, and she agreed to go out with Clarke that upcoming Saturday. Clarke smiled at her phone, suddenly feeling much happier than before. 

\------------

As Lexa lay in bed that night after her date, Costias naked body wrapped around her, her thoughts once again wandered back to Clarke. 

She thought about the blondes short text, letting her know that she was tired anyway and was glad they were postponing, and she couldn’t help but feel a little stab of hurt. 

She knew that wasn’t fair at all, seeing as how she was the one to bail, but Clarkes indifference still stung a bit. She decided to sleep it off and text her back in the morning. 

\------------

 

When morning came however, Clarke texted Lexa to let her know that she was hanging out with Octavia and Raven all day, but she was free at night. Lexa responded that she had promised to go with Costia to some student fashion show that she was positively dreading, so they would have to reschedule. 

When the next day came around, Lexa once again found herself having to accompany Costia somewhere, and she regretfully had to decline Clarkes invitation to hangout.

These back and fourth failed attempts to hang out, became the pattern of the week, and by the time Friday rolled around, Clarke and Lexa hadn’t seen each other in almost 6 days. A new record for them. 

Their dry spell was coming to an end however, because tonight the gang was meeting up to attend the BU football game. 

\------------

They all drove separately -Lexa with Costia, Anya, and Lincoln, Clarke with Niylah, Raven, and Octavia, and Bellamy with Finn, Monty, Murphy, and Jasper- and agreed to meet at the stadium parking lot at 6:00 for a tailgating bbq. 

When Lexa arrived at the parking lot, she immediately began seeking out her favorite blue eyed blonde. When she spotted her chatting away with Monty and Raven, wearing shorts and a BU tshirt, looking beautiful as ever, she felt her heart pick up speed. 

Clarke looked up right as Lexa was approaching and broke out into a wide toothy grin. Oh how Lexa had missed that smile. 

She never ever wanted to go a week without seeing her again, (and maybe it was the couple shots that Costia insisted they take beforehand that had Lexa more relaxed), but the gravity of that admission didn’t scare Lexa as much as it probably should have. 

Instead she walked right up to the blonde and pulled her into a tight hug, not noticing how Raven and Monty, sporting amused looks, quickly dispersed to give the pair a moment to catch up. 

Clarke released Lexas body and the two immediately got to talking.

“So what have you been up to this past week? I’ve missed you Griffin.” Lexa got lost in Clarkes blue eyes for the umpteenth time. 

Clarke just shrugged her shoulders innocently and replied, “Oh just the usual. Snappin’ necks and cashin checks. You know me.”

Lexa chuckled amusedly because that’s all she seemed to do in Clarkes presence and damn it she had missed their friendly banter. 

After about 10 minutes of conversation Lexa felt, more than saw, someone come up behind Clarke and snake their arms around her waist. She whipped her head around to find Niylah gently holding Clarke while whispering something in her ear. The blonde smiled and Lexa felt her stomach roll. 

Niylah looked up to meet Lexas blank expression before muttering a hello and leaving the pair alone once again.

All at once Lexa felt light headed and terribly confused by what had just happened. She felt blindsided by Niylahs clear advance on Clarke and she mentally kicked herself for not being able to form a sentence.

When her vision finally cleared and she could speak again, she turned to Clarke and raised her eyebrows expectantly. 

When an oblivious Clarke said nothing Lexa tried to quickly calm her temper before verbalizing a response.

“Uh what was that about Clarke?”

At Lexas question, Clarke finally turned to face Lexa and innocently shrugged her shoulders. 

“Oh with Niylah? She was just telling me that she was gonna go get a beer and then she’d meet up with me in a little.”

Lexa felt her blood boil at Clarkes nonchalance and she couldn’t help but bite back a response.

“So do all of your friends hug you from behind that way?”

Clarke was taken aback by Lexas sudden coldness.

“I mean, if they want to, yeah.” Clarke knew that her calm demeanor was only making things worse, but she couldn’t help but feel a little hurt that Lexa had bailed on her so many times that week and then had the audacity to be mad about a hug. So ya, maybe she was acting unfazed on purpose, but she tended to do things without thinking around Lexa.

The brunette in question turned to look anywhere but at Clarke and she could feel her anger boiling over. She chuckled sarcastically this time.

“So you’re really gonna pretend nothing is going on between you two? Thats’s bullshit Clarke and you know it.”

“Lexa, we’ve just been texting a lot lately, getting to know each other. And since you’ve been so busy with Costia lately I decided to hangout with Niylah. Am I not allowed to have other friends?” Clarke could feel herself getting angrier by the second. What the hell right did Lexa have to be mad at Clarke for this. 

Lexa smiled icily again before shrugging one shoulder.

“Clarke you can do whatever you want. I don’t care. I just think maybe you should slow it down. I mean the way she she was whispering in your ear? She clearly thinks you guys are more than just friends.” 

Clarkes face was getting redder and redder and she had to take a breathe before replying. 

“Well I guess you could say we’re a little more than just friends. I mean she’s taking me on a date tomorrow night.” She smiled inwardly and hoped that would knock Lexas stupid cold smirk right off of her face. And even though she didn’t enjoy hurting her friends feeling, Lexa hadn’t exactly been acting like a friend lately. 

At Clarkes admission, Lexa felt as if the someone had knocked the wind out of her. Her heart had surely stopped beating. She had to clench her fists just to keep from storming over to Niylah and clocking her in the face because she did not deserve someone like Clarke Griffin. Somewhere in the way way back of her mind she knew that she had absolutely no right to be mad at Clarke for liking Niylah. But the way the blondes eyes were sparkling as she looked off toward where Niylah was standing, made Lexa blind with fury. She clicked her tongue cooly, showing that she was done with this conversation and quickly replied, “Cool. Well have fun, I’m gonna go get a drink.”

Before Clark could even respond, Lexa was walking away toward Costia, who hadn’t seemed to notice the rigidity of Lexas back as she walked. 

\-------------

An hour later, the gang was seated in the stadium watching the game, and as hard as both girls tried, neither of them could concentrate on anything but their lingering anger. 

Lexa and Costia were seated next to each other, and Clarke and Niylah were sitting together in the row in front of them. Lexa found herself staring at the pair throughout the entire game, shooting daggers at the back of their heads. 

Every so often, Niylah would lean in to Clarke and mutter something that would make the blonde smile or laugh or blush, and each time that happened, Lexa felt her hatred for Niylah growing. 

When she couldn’t take it anymore, she threw her arm around Costias shoulder and tried with all her might to pay attention only to her girlfriend. 

At some point during the game -Lexa didn’t know when, because she wasn’t paying attention- Niylah had laced her hands through Clarkes and thats when Lexa lost it. She dramatically rolled her eyes and let out a disgusted huff before muttering quite loudly.

“God get a room.”

Although a few people heard her, it was only an oblivious Costia that replied.

“Who are you talking about?”

Lexa nodded to Clarke and Niylah.

“Those two. They’ve been all over each other since we got here and it’s gross. Nobody wants to see that.” Lexa knew she was being harsh but she couldn’t help it. 

Costia chuckled before wrapping her arms around Lexas waist. 

“Well maybe it’s a good thing if they get together. Then Clarke won’t have time to hangout with you everyday, and you will be all mine once again.” She kissed Lexas cheek.

Although Costia said it teasingly, Lexa knew there was some truth behind that statement and she suddenly felt sick again. Her anger had washed away as quickly as it had come, and was instead replaced with a sudden sadness. She could feel a wedge being forced between her and Clarke, and there wasn’t much she could do about it at the moment. She no longer had the energy to sit there and pretend to be watching the game, when all she wanted to do was go home alone and lay in bed. 

Costia must have noticed that Lexa had gone rigid, so she brought her hands up and placed her palms on Lexas cheeks. 

“Hey are you okay? You look a little sick.” 

Lexa sadly smiled and silently nodded her head and apparently Costia was satisfied enough to turn her attention back to the game.

After only a moment however, Lexa spoke up again.

“Actually you know what, I do feel a little sick. Maybe I ate something weird idk but I’m gonna head back to my apartment.” Lexa made a move to get up and Costia immediately grabbed her arm.

“Well i’m coming with you.”

Lexa shook her arm off before replying, “No really, I’ll be fine by myself.”

Costia scoffed and grabbed Lexas arm once again.

“Don’t be ridiculous Lexa you’re my girlfriend, I wanna take of you. I hate sports anyway.”

Lexa nodded and threw one last glance in Clarkes direction before muttering a few goodbyes to the group and heading out of the stands. 

She didn’t notice the way Clarkes eyes followed her all the way out of the stadium, a look of concern flashing over her features before her uninterested mask was back in place. 

The only two who seemed to take notice were Anya, who rolled her eyes in annoyance and Raven, who knowingly smirked at each girls stubbornness. 

This was going to get messy. 

\-------------

Three days. 

It had been three whole days since Clarke and Lexa had last spoken. 

Not that three days was all that much, but after the way things had ended Friday night, three days of utter silence between them seemed like a lifetime. 

Lexa hadn’t gone more than 10 minutes without thinking about what happened. She knew she was in the wrong. The way she treated Clarke was inexcusable. 

And she wanted to reach out. She did. She had typed out 5 different texts, 5 different ways to say she was sorry, but she ended up deleting every one of them before they could be sent.

Because although she was, in fact very sorry for her outburst, she still couldn’t help the anger that overcame her whenever she thought about Niylah being with Clarke. 

She just couldn’t let it go. 

She was jealous. Terribly, insanely jealous. She knew that. Anya knew that. Hell anyone with eyes probably knew that. She was jealous of Clarke and Niylahs budding relationship because she so badly wanted to be that person.

She wanted to explore everything that was Clarke Griffin. She wanted to hold her hand at football games, and whisper things in her ear, and take her out on dates. 

She wanted to ignore every thought in her head that told her what she was feeling was wrong. That she was forgiven. That her dad didn’t hate her. 

She wasn’t going to try and deny anymore. She wanted Clarke. 

More than she had ever wanted anything in her life. She was numb to everything but Clarke. She was screwed. She was fucked. She was a terrible person. She knew that. 

But she could not for the life of her stop wanting Clarke. 

\------------

She had just finished getting dressed for soccer practice and was eating at the kitchen table when Anya walked in and wordlessly sat beside her. 

Lexa didn’t notice her at first, too lost in her own thoughts, so Anya pinched the brunettes arm to shake her out of her trance.

“Ow! What the fuck Anya.”

Anya just smirked and chuckled a little at her own actions.

“When are you gonna stop moping around? Because I’m getting really bored with this new brooding thing you’ve got going on.”

Lexa furrowed her brows in annoyance.

“What are you talking about Anya I’m just trying to eat in peace.”

Anya however could not be deterred and continued pushing. 

“I’m talking about the way you have been sulking ever since you and blondie got in your little argument Friday night.”

Lexa cocked her head and tried to hide her embarrassment.

“How did you know we had an argument, did she talk to you? What did she say?” 

Anya tried not to smirk at Lexas sudden flustered state.

“Woah cool it, I haven’t talked to little blondie. But I do know that I have eyes and I saw the way you were glaring at her through the entire game on Friday and then you left early and now you’ve been pouting for the last three days.”

Lexa raised her eyebrows challengingly. 

“C’mon Lex give me a little more credit than that, I’ve known you your whole life. I know when something’s wrong.”

Lexa softened at Anyas rare display of concern. She sighed dejectedly before speaking. 

“Okay fine yes we had an argument and yes i’ve been ‘sulking’ as you say. But it’s not my fault stupid Niylah decided to come in to the picture and steal my friend.”

Anya, unconvinced, continued. 

“Is that why you’re so mad Lexa? Because Niylah took your friend? That’s why Clarke went from coming over almost every day, to not coming over at all this past week? Stop kidding yourself Lexa, you’re not mad she stole you friend, you’re mad she stole your crush.”

Even though Lexa had already come to terms with this, hearing someone say it out loud made it scarier. More real. 

She opened her mouth to defend herself. To tell Anya that, no she didn’t like Clarke that way, but she knew it was pointless to try and deny it. When she didn’t say anything, Anya continued. 

“Look, personally I think relationships are stupid. I think crushes are stupid and getting all mushy and weak is stupid, I think it’s all stupid. And pointless. But if you’re so keen on doing it anyway, shouldn’t you be with someone who actually makes you happy? Makes it worth it? I know that you think breaking up with Costia will make you a bad person, but Lex is it really fair to keep stringing her along when we both know you fell out of love with her a long time ago.”

Lexa opened her mouth to talk, but she didn’t know what to say. She knew Anya was right. She was being unfair to both Clarke and Costia. It would be so much easier to break up with Costia and just be with Clarke instead. She would be so much happier. She knew she would. But she couldn’t help the anxiety that washed over her at the thought of breaking Costias heart. Hurting someone again. Disappointing her father. 

Anya seemed to sense that she was waging war in her mind and she squeezed Lexas shoulder before getting up to leave. On her way out, she turned to look at her now stoic friend.

“Lex, I know you think your father would be disappointed by you leaving Costia, but don’t you think he would be more disappointed if you ruined your shot at real happiness? Isn’t that what it all comes down to in the end anyway?”

And with that she walked out the door, shutting it behind her quietly. 

Lexa took a final deep breathe and knew she had her answer. She needed to talk to Clarke. 

\------------

Clarke had been sitting in her room sketching and relaxing when she saw a text from Lexa light up her phone. She rolled her eyes and contemplated ignoring it, but curiosity got the better of her. A part of her wanted to hear Lexa apologize and admit that she was out of line. Another part of her missed her friend and secretly wanted to know if she felt as miserable the past three days at Clarke had. 

She hoped so. 

She grabbed her phone and opened the message. 

Lexa  
Hi Clarke. Could we meet up  
after soccer and talk? Please. 

Clarke, although still angered by Lexas uncalled for behavior, couldn’t help the tinge of hope she felt at finally hearing from her. She waited 15 minutes (for suspense) before replying. 

Clarke  
Hi Lexa, sure I can meet you   
in the stands when youre done.   
Is 7 good?

Lexa  
Yes 7 is good! See you soon.

Clarke was nervous to talk with Lexa but also happy to hopefully finally resolve this dumb argument so they could go back to normal. She missed movie night. And watching Lost alone was getting boring. 

\------------

She walked into the stadium right as the soccer team was finishing up practice and she had to physically force her legs to keep moving when she saw Lexa. She was wearing a practice jersey with athletic sweatpants, she had her hair in a messy pony, and she was dripping with sweat. Clarke thought she had never seen a more beautiful girl in her entire life. She wondered what it must be like to date Lexa Woods. She thought Costia must be insane for not taking the opportunity to come watch her practice. Wait for her to shower. Walk home hand in hand with her. She didn’t even know how lucky she was. 

She quickly pushed that thought away and reminded herself that this beautiful complicated girl had been quite rude to her not three days ago and she should at least try to act a little more angry. 

When Lexa looked up and noticed her, she dismissed her team and headed over, similar to how she had done all of those weeks ago. 

When Lexa reached Clarke, she nodded up to the stands and they silently made their way to the top to sit down. 

Clarke waited for Lexa to start since she was the one who asked to meet up. After a few seconds of awkward silence, Lexa spoke up. 

She had to bite her tongue to keep from immediately asking ‘How was your date with dumb Niylah?’ 

Instead she pushed away her immaturity and started talking. 

“Clarke, I’m really sorry for how I acted on Friday night. I shouldn’t have said what I said, I guess I was just caught off guard and I didn’t know how to react.”

Clarke nodded as she listened. 

“I get that you felt blind sided Lexa but we hadn’t really seen each other that week and I didn’t think it would be a huge deal. You really had no right to be so mad.”

Lexa sighed before responding. 

“I know, you’re right. And it shouldn’t have been such a big deal, I just lashed out at you and that wasn’t fair. I really am sorry Clarke. I miss you.”

Clarke felt her resolve give and she knew she had already forgiven Lexa. 

“I miss you too Lex. I miss movie night. I even miss you judging me when I eat peanut butter out of a dixie cup for dinner.”

Lexa sighed in relief and let out a laugh, already feeling better than she had in at least a week. 

“Can we go back to before I was a complete asshole to you? I want my best friend back. I’ll get you all of the peanut butter you want. I’ll even get you some dixie cups even though I don’t condone the use of those tiny excuses for cups.”

Clarke laughed and held out her hand. 

“Deal.”

Lexa grabbed her by the arm and instead pulled into a her into a big hug. They stayed like that for a while until Clarke pulled back to look at Lexa. 

“Lex? Why was it such a huge deal to you that I was talking to Niylah?”

She knew she probably shouldn’t be bringing that up right when they finally made up, but Clarke couldn’t stop wondering why Lexa reacted so aggressively. She hoped she knew the answer, but she couldn’t know for sure. 

Lexas lips turned up into a small smile and she reached out to tuck a hair behind Clarkes ear before shrugging her shoulders. 

“You know why.”

Clarke felt her heart beating a mile a minute. So their it was. Lexa liked her back, though lord only knew if she would ever do anything about it. 

She nodded and matched Lexa small smile before both girls fell into a comfortable silence. 

After a few moments, Clarke could feel a sudden tension rolling off of Lexas shoulders and she could tell the brunette was having an internal conflict. She nudged her playfully in the side to shake her out her sudden trance.

“Don’t hurt yourself Lex, I can practically hear you thinking from here.” Clarke smirked.

Lexa however remained stoic before she turned to completely face Clarke.   
“Clarke there’s something else I wanted to talk to you about.” 

Clarke suddenly felt uneasy but nodded anyway, encouraging Lexa to go on.

She nervously started picking at her shirt before speaking. 

“Clarke if I’ve learned anything this past week it’s that I don’t like being apart from you. And I know that’s silly to say because we just met a couple months ago, but you have this weird hold over me and I can’t explain it. I hated not speaking and it killed me to know that I had hurt you. I’ve thought about you constantly, and not just this week but since the moment I met you Clarke. Every time I went out with Costia I wished it was you, and every time she told me she loved me I had to remind myself to say it back because the truth is, I don’t love her. Not anymore. Not like that. And I think it took you coming in to my life for me to realize that. And as terrified as I am right now, I can’t help thinking that being with you would make it all worth it. Like maybe my father wouldn’t be so disappointed if he knew I was with someone I truly wanted to be with. And I want to be with you Clarke. I don’t want you to be with Niylah. The thought of that literally makes me feel nauseous. And I know I’m rambling and maybe this is stupid and maybe you don’t feel the same, and if you don’t that fine and I promise I will never bother you again, but Clarke I have to know. If I broke things off with Costia, would you be willing to give us a real shot?”

Clarke was stunned, and still trying to process everything Lexa just said. She wanted to be with her. She didn’t want to be with Costia. She wanted her. Lexa wanted her. Lexa wanted Clarke Griffin. Lexa fucking Woods wanted Clarke fucking Griffin. 

She sat there, internally combusting, until she could finally form a sentence. 

Slowly, a smile overtook her features and she nodded. 

“Yes Lexa of course I would want to be with you. I’v wanted to be with you this entire time.”

Lexa let out the breathe she had been holding in and smiled as big as her face would allow. This was probably the part where she would pull Clarke into a crushing, mind blowing kiss, and they would walk off into the sunset. 

But they couldn’t do that.

Not yet anyway. As of right now, she was still in a relationship, and Lexa Woods was no cheater. 

She had to go home and take care of things with Costia right away, realizing it wouldn’t be fair to anyone to drag this out any longer. 

Clarke seemed to understand as well, and they both settled for pulling the other in a hug. It was innocent but filled with the promise of a future. It was enough for now.

They walked back together, trading shy smiles and allowing their hearts to bubble over with excitement and hope. 

They respectfully parted ways at Clarkes dorm building, giving each other one last hug before Lexa turned to walk away. When she was almost back to her place, she pulled out her phone to text Clarke one more thing. 

Lexa  
I’ll text you tomorrow after   
I talk to Costia. Wish me   
luck!

 

Clarkes response was immediate.

Clarke  
Sounds good! Good luck  
Lex. text me if you need to  
talk. I know it’s never easy  
to do this. Youre a brave soul:)

Lexa smiled at her phone as she walked down her hall.

Although she was overflowing with butterflies and happiness at the mere thought of being with Clarke, she knew she had to push that aside for right now. She needed to talk to Costia asap, and she felt nervousness and anxiety taking over for what was about to happen. Because as much as it would be worth it, it would still be hard to look Costia in the eyes and tell her she didn’t want to be with her anymore. 

She took a final deep breathe and opened her door, knowing full well that Costia was probably already inside. 

What she was met with, however, was not her soon to be ex girlfriend watching tv like she normally would be, but instead, it was Costia standing in the family room, phone clutched to her chest and eyes brimming with tears. 

Lexa looked at her confused, before Costia muttered. 

“My dad just had a stroke.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well I hope you guys liked it! I'm sorry about the cliffhanger but I just had to. If you guys have any questions concerns or ideas feel free to comment!! The next chapter should we out next week. Talk to ya soon:)


	6. Shitty Timing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM SO SORRY I HATE ME TOO!! I'm eternally sorry that I haven't updated in like 2 months but I literally just quit my job, packed up, and moved to NYC so my life had been capital H hectic. BUUT I am finally settled in my cozy little shoe box so I am back on the block and ready to rock y'all. Any way thank you a million times to anyone who is still even slightly interested in this fic and I promise ill be updating pretty regularly from now on! So this chapter is probably the shortest chapter in the history of chapters but think of it more as a preview for the next chapter (which will be v long). I just knew I needed to put something out so people didn't completely give up on me! So enjoy and again I am sorry I went radio silent for a while there!!

Lexa stood frozen in the doorway, trying desperately to process what Costia had just told her. Stroke. Costias dad. She snapped back to reality and rushed over to her now sobbing girlfriend and wrapped her up in her arms, letting the girl calm down a little before she asked any questions. 

She didn’t dare let herself think about what she was originally planning to say to Costia when she walked through the door. She couldn’t bare the thought right now.

So instead she held her until her sobs subsided before leading her over to the couch to sit down. When she felt ready, Costia took a shaky breathe and wiped at her eyes, to which Lexa took as her que to finally speak up.

“So what happened? Is he going to be okay?” 

Costia started to cry again before replying, “I don’t know, my mom said he was fine one minute and then all of the sudden he was on the floor. She said that he’s in a coma right now and they don’t know much else yet.” 

Lexa stroked her back consolingly and let her cry.

“Well at least he survived the stroke. As bad as that sounds a lot of people can die pretty quickly from the lack of oxygen. That’s one positive.”

Costia nodded her head slightly but didn’t look the slightest bit reassured.

“Well I need to get to the hospital as soon as possible just in case anything changes. You’re coming right?” She grasped at Lexas hand like it was a lifeline.

“Of course Cos. I’ll grab the keys and we can head out.” 

They both jumped up, grabbed their things and headed out the door in a rush, neither bothering to tell anyone what had happened. There would be time for that later. 

\------------------

Clarke had been practically floating since her talk with Lexa. She couldn’t wipe the enormous smile off of her face if she tried. And no matter how annoyed her roommate probably was she could not for the life of her stop humming the cheesiest love songs in her repertoire. 

Lexa wanted to be with her. They were actually going to give this a shot. 

She briefly felt guilty about having to tell Niylah that they would not be going on that second date after all, but she was was almost certain Niylah would understand and be cool with it, seeing as how they had only gone out once. 

After a couple hours she decided if was probably safe to text Lexa and see how things went. She knew how cunning Costia could be and she was honestly a little bit concerned for Lexas well being at the moment. Costia seemed like the type to throw things when angry. Right as she grabbed her phone, it started ringing and Ravens face popped up on her screen.

She rolled her eyes at her friends constant terrible timing and picked up the phone. 

“Hey Ray can I call you back I was just about to-” She was promptly cut off by Ravens. 

“Clarke listen I just got off the phone with Octavia. Costia’s dad had a stroke. They’re at the hospital.” 

There was a pause on the other end of the line as Clark tried to comprehend what Raven had just said. 

“Oh my god is he okay? Is Lexa with her?” She felt her stomach drop just thinking about what Costia was no doubt going through. She wasn’t Costias number one fan but that didn’t mean the girl deserved this. Nobody should have to go through that. 

“I’m not sure yet Octavia just said he had a stroke and was in a coma. You might want to shoot Lexa a text and see whats going on.”

“Ya I will do that right now. Thanks for letting me know Ray. I’ll call you later!”

“Okay ya just keep me updated. Ttyl.”

With that, Clarke hurriedly hung up and texted Lexa.

Clarke  
-Hey Lexa, Raven just told me what happened! How is he? Is Costia okay?”

It was about 20 minutes before Clarkes phone vibrated with a message from Lexa.

Lexa  
-Hey. He was in a coma for a few hours   
but he woke up a little bit ago. The   
doctors said he should be okay, but   
they are keeping him for a week   
just in case. Costias better now. Tired.  
And obviously shaken up, but better. 

Clarke  
-Oh good thats really good news.  
Tell Costia I’m thinking about her  
and I’m glad her dad is okay. 

Lexa  
-Okay will do! Thanks for  
checking in Clarke.

Clarke  
-Of course! It’s a shitty  
thing to go through.

 

There was an underlying awkwardness to their conversation. Neither girl saying what they were both thinking- that Lexa was about to break up with Costia, only moments before her dad had a stroke. 

Clarke felt her heart sinking with every passing moment of silence. She knew what this meant. That Lexa and Costia were still very much together. She didn’t blame Lexa in the slightest bit. How could she? No one in their right mind could break up with someone while they were going through what Costia was going through. But it still broke her heart to know that they wouldn’t be getting that chance after all. 

She sat on her bed, waiting for the text from Lexa that she knew she would soon be getting. Letting her know that she was not going to break up with Costia anymore. 

This whole situation was just shitty. And what made it even more shitty was that she couldn’t even be mad about it. She couldn’t hate Costia or blame Lexa. That would have been much easier, but no. There was no one to blame here. Except maybe the universe for having such shitty timing. 

She didn’t have to wait much longer until her phone buzzed with a text from Lexa. She knew what this would be. 

Lexa  
-Hey would it be okay if I   
stopped by later so we could  
talk? 

Well there it was. This was the beginning of the end. It hurt worse than Clarke would have thought. 

Clarke  
-Ya that’s fine. See  
you in a little bit.

And with that, Clarke opened a bottle of wine and tried not to let herself think too much about how sad she actually was.   
\------------  
A few hours later, Lexa called her to say she was on her way. Their awkwardly polite phone conversation told Clarke all that she needed to know. Lexa was coming over to essentially break things off with her even though they weren’t even together. This was fucked. 

She sat on her bed and waited for the inevitable knock at her door.

When it happened to jumped up to answer it, trying her best not to show how heart broken she was.

She opened the door to reveal a tired and upset looking Lexa. 

“Clarke. Hey. How are you?” 

“Hey Lex, I’m good. Just glad Costias dad is okay.” Clarke cringed at their fake formalities. She wished Lexa would just get to the damn point. 

Lexa awkwardly looked anywhere but at Clarke before speaking up. 

“Look Clarke, I know when we talked earlier I told you I was going to break up with Costia so we could be together, but now.....I can’t do that right now. She’s been through enough tonight and I can’t do that to her right now.” 

Even though Clarke knew it was coming, it still felt like a punch to her gut. Why did this hurt so bad when she knew it was for the best? 

She tried to school her features into something that looked like acceptance or understanding, but she could feel her eyes starting to get glassy. 

“Ya I totally get it. She needs you right now. I don’t blame you.”

“Clarke..”

“I know Lexa.”

“Clarke, I’m sorry I-”

“Stop. Don’t be sorry. Do what you need to do. I get it. Really I do.”

“I wish things were different. I wish so badly that this never happened.”

“Me too, but it did. So the only thing left to do I guess is to just move on. Maybe we just weren’t meant to work out. I’ll see you around Lex.”

Clarke moved to close the door, but Lexa stopped it with her hand. 

“Don’t say that. Clarke, I really am sorry I-”

“Lexa it’s okay. I’ll be fine. I promise.”

“But I-”

Clarke felt the tears threatening to overflow, but she was not going to let Lexa see her cry. Not like this. So she closed the door before Lexa got a chance to finish her sentence.   
She knew she should have been mature and let her talk, but she couldn’t bear one more second of Lexa looking at her with those apologetic eyes. It made everything hurt more.

So she closed the door in Lexas face. Closing it on their future together, before letting herself feel the full weight of her sadness. 

With her back pressed up against the door, she took a deep breathe and tried to steady her rapidly pounding heart. 

It was only when her legs started to get tired and she she sank to the floor, that she finally allowed herself to cry. 

\------------

Lexa stared blankly at the closed door in front of her. She wanted nothing more than to burst through the door again, run into Clarkes arms and assure her that they could get through this together and come out okay. 

But she also knew that Clarke probably needed space right now and wouldn’t want to talk to her. Clarke was hurt. Hell, she would be destroyed if it had been the other way around. She knew that Clarke understood why she couldn’t break up with Costia right now, but that didn’t make any of this any easier. 

She placed her palm against Clarkes door one last time, trying not to picture the pained expression on the blondes face, before she took a deep breathe and walked away. 

When had everything in her life gotten so messed up? 

Just hours ago she was ready to finally move on from her past and start a new chapter with Clarke, and now she was ripping apart their future plans and breaking her own heart in the process. 

She knew that rationally, she and Clarke could still have the future together that they wanted. That this small set back would only postpone their plans instead of destroy them completely. 

But somewhere deep down she also knew that Clarke was probably done standing on the sidelines. She had been through too much in her life. Lost too much. Hurt too much in the past. She knew Clarke didn’t let people in easily, and Lexa had betrayed her trust too many times lately. It was selfish of her to ask Clarke to wait for her. She knew that. But she also knew that she wanted Clarke so badly that she was willing to do just about anything to be with her. 

So she decided then and there that once things with Costia settled down more, she would make it her mission to get Clarke back. She was not ready to let go of the one real thing that was good in her life. She would beg, she would plead, she would do literally whatever Clarke asked and she wouldn’t stop until they were together. It would take as long as it would take.

She needed Clarke. If the past 24 hours taught her anything, it was that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again this is just a little preview chapter because the next one will be very long!! Hope you enjoyed I will be posting again soon I promise this time!! ALso thank you thank you thank you to anyone who commented or gave kudos!! You guys are the real MVP!


	7. The Other Shoe drops

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry I know I know I hate me too I hate me so much I'm sorry!! I"m so sorry it took me SO LONG to write this chapter but moving to NYC had been so insane and I've been so busy that I barely have time to think. BUT things have finally calmed down and I am currently working on the next chapter as well so that should be out within a week hopefully! Anyone who is still keeping up with this story thank you so much and I love you eternally!

The days that followed were no doubt a struggle for Clarke. 

She cried, she drank too much wine, she ate too much ice cream, she binge watched too many tv shows. 

She lazed around her apartment in her pajamas and ignored all of her calls from Lexa and her friends. She let herself truly feel sad about everything she had always boxed up. 

She let herself break. 

But only for 5 days.

That’s all she would allow herself.

5 days to be completely destroyed by Lexa, and then that was it. She would pull it together. She would walk back into the world with her chin up and her spine straight.

She would find happiness again. With or without Lexa. 

Her heart was broken, but she was going to be fine. That much she was certain of. She was a Griffin after all. 

She would mend the rips and cracks and tears. She would get up, get dressed, take a deep breathe, and move forward. It was how she was raised and she wasn’t going to let anybody take that away from her. No one.

And so on the fifth day, she took a long hot shower, put on some real clothes, and headed out to meet Raven and Octavia for lunch. 

\------------

When she arrived, Raven and Octavia were already there, waiting with worried expressions, chocolate bars in hand, and pick me up speeches prepared. 

After Clarke went radio silent everybody was on edge, waiting for a big meltdown that surprisingly never came. 

Clarke was actually surprised they hadn’t shown up at her door with the National Guard in tow to break down her door, but luckily Clarke had convinced them that some alone time was critical to her healing.

(They did in fact come by every once in a while just to listen through the door and make sure Clarke was still alive, but that was something she didn’t need to know about.) 

As soon as she got to the table she was bombarded with hugs and affirmations that it was all going to be okay.

Chocolate was shoved into her arms and kisses were pressed to her temple. 

“Oh my god Clarke we were worried sick! You should have let us come over we could have cheered you up!! Helped you forget about stupid Lexa!”

“Ya who even needs her?! Not you!! Everything will be okay we just need to get you back out their and-”

Clarke couldn’t help but chuckle at her friends panicked outbursts. 

“Guys, guys, calm down I’m okay! You don’t need to be worried.”

Raven and Octavia shared a confused look, wondering if Clarke was in some sort of extreme denial psychosis. 

“Look am I sad and upset? Yes. Do I wish things were different? Of course. But I can’t force Lexa to be with me any more than I can force the weather. She made her decision and I’m not going to wallow in self pity. I let myself have 5 days to be a complete mess and now I’m fine. Honestly I am.”

Raven and Octavia both sighed in relief at Clarke’s level headed response, and although they were still a little weary, they accepted her explanation. 

Octavia was the first to speak up.

“Well I think thats great Clarke. Very mature. And if you’re sure you’re okay, than I’m happy.”

Raven took her turn. 

“Ya same Clarke. You know we will always be here for you. No matter what. Besides, you don’t need Lexa anyway! You’re a strong independent womannnnnnnn”

And with that, they simultaneously broke out singing Independent Women by Destiny’s Child, and all was right in the world again.

\----------------

The team had just finished practice and Lexa was in the middle of changing when she felt someone come up behind her. 

“Can I help you with something Anya or are you just trying to invade my personal space?”

She turned around to find Anya staring at her with that stupid arched brow and jutted out chin she always got when she was waiting for Lexa to spill it. 

“Why yes, you can start by telling me why you just made us run 5 miles and condition for 3 hours when we don’t even have a game coming up. Are you trying to punish us for something or are you just trying to forget how you royally fucked things up with Clarke?” She smiled victoriously when Lexas pupils dilated in surprise at Anyas ability to read her like a book. 

“First of all I didn’t ‘royally fuck things up with Clarke’ we had a misunderstanding and we will be fine.” She sounded more convinced than she actually was. 

Anya scoffed and her rolled her eyes at Lexas twisted logic. 

“Oh ya? Is that why she’s been ignoring all of your calls and texts? Because you had a minor misunderstanding? Because it sounds to me like you screwed her over one too many times and now she’s done with you for good.” 

Lexa felt her irritation growing at Anyas apparent stance in the situation, however irritation quickly melted into sadness at the thought that maybe Anya was right. 

Her shoulders sagged and her demeanor noticeably changed. 

“I need her An. She can’t be done with me for good, she’s the only positive thing in my life right now. I’m gonna make it right with her, I’ll literally beg her to forgive me if I have to. Look Costias dad has been doing much better and they are pretty positive he will make a full recovery, so now I can focus my attention on getting her back.”

Anya, ever the optimist, shrugged her shoulders matter of factly and looked all too unconvinced.

“Well you better get to thinking because Clarke’s not the type of girl to wait around forever.”

Lexa nodded in agreement.

“Ya I know I know, I will. I just need to get her to talk to me first. What about if we get the whole group together and we go out. Like to a bar or club or something. If everyone goes I doubt she’ll say no. It’ll be perfect and I can talk to her outside or something.”

Even though this wasn’t exactly the grand gesture Anya was picturing she figured it might just work anyway. 

“Ya that might work. I’m in, let everyone else know when and where. And for the love of god Lexa, talk to Costia.”

She nodded, her mood momentarily darkening again.

“Ya I know. It’s long overdue.”

Anya nodded and patted Lexa on the back, showing her quiet support before walking away.   
\------------

Lexa took a deep breath to calm her nerves and get rid of the wave of deja vu that had just washed over her. She was about to open her apartment door and inevitably break Costias heart, for real this time, and although she knew this was for the best, she still felt like a terrible person. 

“This has to be done. This is what is fair to everybody.”

She whispered quiet encouragement before opening the door.

When she walked in, Costia was sitting on the couch looking at some fashion post on her laptop, and when she saw Lexa, she jumped up to give her a hug. 

“Hey baby I missed you. How was your day”

Before Lexa could respond, she continued on. Typical.

“I was just looking at upcoming fashion shows in the area and I finally settled on three that we absolutely have to go to! Ugh I can’t wait to go shopping for outfits!”

Lexa internally groaned because nothing sounded worse to her than going to another fashion show, but before she could finish her train of thought she remembered that she wouldn’t in fact be going to any more fashion shows. Ever, hopefully. That thought made her very excited. 

But just as quickly, she was overcome with nerves yet again so she squared her shoulders and reminded herself that she could do this.

“Actually Costia we need to talk.” 

She sat down across from her on the couch and waited for Costia to put her laptop aside. 

“Um okay, what do you wanna talk about?” She waited for Lexa to continue.

“Look I’ve been thinking a lot lately about us and who we are to each other and where we are both going in life and I feel like we’ve been going in different directions for a long time now and maybe the best thing for us right now is some time apart.” Lexa let out a shaky breathe that she had been holding in the entire time she was talking. 

There was a few seconds of complete silence before Costia spoke up.

“Are you trying to break up with me right now Lexa?” Her face started turning red and Lexa could tell she was trying not to scream.

“I know this feels like it’s coming out of left field but I’ve been feeling this way for a while now. We’re just too different. We don’t want the same things anymore Cos.”

“You mean you’ve been feeling this way since Clarke got here. Don’t try and pretend like she has nothing to do with this.”

Costia was glaring at Lexa with such intensity it was a little scary. If looks could kill Lexa would be on the floor right now.

“This isn’t about Clarke okay, this is about you and me. I haven’t been happy in a long time. Even before I met Clarke. This is about us and the fact that we don’t make each other happy anymore. We argue all the time, we have almost nothing in common. I think you feel this way too you just don’t want to admit it.”

Costia was positively seething, and she had to quickly stand up from the couch so she didn’t explode. 

“That’s such bullshit Lexa of course this about Clarke. You think I don’t see that way you act around her. The way you try to hide your excitement when you know you’re gonna see her. I’ve even noticed a difference when we’re fucking! You’re probably too busy trying not to think about how she would look naked beneath you! Unless you’ve already fucked her, I wouldn’t put it past her to try and seduce you!”

Lexa tried to end this cordially but she had had enough. She schooled her features and tried to level her voice.

“Okay stop it Costia seriously. That’s enough. I’m not happy, you’re not happy so why not just end things before they get worse. Stop pretending like things were all rainbows and butterflies before Clarke moved here. They weren’t and you know it! So lets just appreciate the good times we had and put an end to this so we can both move on!”

Costia just shook her head in disbelief.

“Wow Lexa. I can’t believe you’re seriously ending this relationship because some bitch walked into your life-

Before Costia could finish her sentence, Lexa was up off the couch as well. 

“Don’t ever call her that again! You have no right!!”

“There you go again. Defending the one who ISN’T your girlfriend.”

Lexa just shook her head and chuckled coldly.

“Well you aren’t my girlfriend anymore either so I guess I can defend whoever I want right?” Okay, that was harsh and she knew it but Costia was taking this somewhere it didn’t need to go. 

The finality in Lexa’s voice made everything more real to Costia, and she realized that this was actually it. Lexa was dumping her. For that stupid new girl. She swore in that moment that she had never hated anyone more in her life as much as she hated Clarke Griffin. 

“I’m gonna ask you one more time if this is really what you want. To throw away everything we have together. Because trust me when I say that when I walk out those doors i’m not coming back Lexa. Not when your drunk and realize you’ve made a mistake. Not when you miss me and wanna try to be friends. Not when you’re lonely and want someone to warm your bed. If you’re really ending it then this is it.”

Lexa squared her shoulders and calmed her anger once more before replying.

“I’ve never been so sure of anything Costia. It’s for the best. We both deserve to find true happiness. I’m gonna go over to campus for the rest of the night to work on homework so you can start getting all your stuff together or I can do it and bring it to you later. It’s up to you.”

With that, Costia stormed past Lexa, and started gathering up all the stuff that had accumulated over the past couple of years.

Lexa nodded her head once, grabbed her bag, and headed out the door.

It was probably risky to leave Costia alone in her apartment right now where she was free to destroy whatever she wanted, but at this point Lexa didn’t even care. 

‘Well that went well’ she told herself sarcastically as she hit the elevator button. She really wanted to end things on at least respectful terms, but she somehow knew that wasn’t gonna happen. If she ever doubted her decision to break it off before, Costia’s outburst just proved that she made the right decision. Her father would’ve understood right? She hoped so. 

 

As she walked out the door and into the fresh air she was hit with a feeling of relief and hopefulness all at once. It felt good. Like starting over and doing it right this time. 

Her mind immediately wandered to Clarke, as it so often did and she hoped that the blonde would show up at the club tomorrow so they could finally talk and make things right. 

She picked up her phone to call Anya, who she knew was impatiently waiting for her call.

‘Hello?’

‘Hey An it’s me. I did it.’

There was a rustling on the other end of line and a mumbling that sounded alot like ‘fuck ya’.

‘No fucking way Lex, I didn’t actually think you’d go through with it! It’s about damn time! How’d she take it?’

Lexa blew out an exasperated laugh that told Anya everything she needed to know.

‘Not well. She’s currently packing up all her stuff and probably spray painting Go Fuck Yourself all over the walls.’

Anya barked out a laugh.

‘Damn that well? And here I thought you’d let her down easy. You’re just too much of a heartbreaker aren’t you Woods?’

Even though Anya meant it to be funny, it still gave Lexa a pang of guilt.

‘I tried to be nice about An, I really did. But she said some things that were too low and she took it places that it didn’t need to go. I just couldn’t take it anymore.’

Anya sombered up when she could hear the change in Lexas voice.

‘Hey listen to me Lex you did the right thing. She made you miserable and you needed to move on. She’ll get over it and find someone else who will love going to fashion shows with her and all will be well.’

Lexa felt lighter at Anyas words.

‘Ya you’re right. Everyone will be better off. Anyways I don’t really wanna talk about it anymore. Lets get the gang to meet at the club tomorrow so I can grovel to Clarke and finally figure out what we are. Text the others to meet there tomorrow at 9 o’clock. Usual table.’

‘Alright will do, I’ll you know what they say.’

Lexa nodded ‘Cool sounds good. Talk to you later.’

‘Talk to you later. And Lex? I’m proud of you’

Lexa smiled a genuinely for the first time all day before replying.

‘Thanks An.’

\------------------------

The night after the big breakup, Clarke, Octavia, Raven, and Niylah were hopping in the car to meet everyone at the club. When Anya had told them that Costia and Lexa broke up, Clarke felt a wave of guilt wash over her, knowing that she should have been there for Lexa, but just as quickly the thought was pushed aside when Clarke remembered that she wasn’t ready to forgive the brunette just yet. 

Raven and Octavia were concerned about how Clarke was reacting so calmly to the news but she assured them she was happy for Lexa and that was that. Besides, she had a pretty good thing going with Niylah at the moment and it was completely drama free, which was refreshing. 

They had been talking a lot lately and Niylah was proving to be a great friend and a really fun person to talk to. They both really liked each other but they hadn’t done anything more than hold hands with each other. Clarke wanted to go further. She really did. It’s just that every time she pictured herself kissing Niylah, a certain brunette would pop into her mind and it was so unnerving that Clarke knew she had to wait to go any further with Niylah. She needed to get Lexa out of her head first. And that is exactly what she planned to do tonight.

Clarke was determined to have a fun night and forget all about her Lexa drama for the time being. She knew she was going to be at the club and she was absolutely confident in her own ability to act like a grown up. She would be polite and cordial to Lexa and everyone would have a good time.

She did feel a little nervous about showing up with Niylah, without telling the others first that they were sort of a thing, but she figured she would just explain that they were taking things slow and that it was no big deal. It was no big deal right? She hoped not.

\----------------------------

Lexa, Anya, and the rest of the gang grabbed a big table at the back of the dimly lit club and ordered drinks while they waited for Clarke, Octavia, and Raven to show up. 

Lexa hadn’t been able to sit still the entire evening and as hard as she tried she couldn’t seem to slow her erratic heart beat. 

I mean, Clarke knew she was going to be there so it was silly for her to be so nervous but she was just afraid Clarke wouldn’t want to talk to her. She missed her so much and she had so much to tell her that she didn’t even know where she would begin. I’m sorry I fucked up would probably be a good place to start. 

All she needed was 10 minutes alone with the blonde and hopefully things could back to how they were before this whole mess. 

She took a shot of whiskey to calm herself down, and right as she did so she saw a familiar flash of blonde hair making her way over to their table. She couldn’t help the smile from spreading over face because wow Clarke was so beautiful and she had missed her so much and it took everything in her not to get up and run over to the girl and grab her and kiss her just like they did in the movies. 

Life, however, was not a movie, and Lexa was about to get her first lesson in this. 

She watched in confusion, and what felt like slow motion as Niylah came into view, walking very close to Clarke, too close to Clarke in fact. It was then that Lexas eyes travelled downward and landed on Clarke and Niylahs interlocked hands, then back up to their nervous smiling faces.

It was in that moment that Lexa felt all of the air leave her lungs and the blood drain from her face. This couldn’t be happening. This couldn’t be real, there was no way they were together.

Except that it was. Because as they finally approached the table hand in hand, and everyone took notice and gave their congratulations, they didn’t deny it. They didn’t correct everyone and say they were just friends holding hands or let everyone know that Niylah was just really drunk so Clarke was guiding her the table. They said nothing of the sort. They just smiled and gave their thanks while light blushes adorned their faces. 

When Clarke and Niylah sat down and everyone settled, the conversations went back to normal. Everyone picked up where they left off. Everyone that is, except for Anya, who sent Lexa a worried glance, and Lexa, who hadn’t uttered a word since they walked in the door. 

A moment later, when Lexa finally recovered from her initial shock, she blurted out the only thing that was running through her mind at the moment. 

“What the fuck is going on?” 

All eyes turned to her and the table went silent.

Welp, she thought, there goes the rest of the night. 

\-------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the worst I know!! But I promise this will have a happy ending!! Also I know that I am making Costia such a bitch in this story but I can't help it. Woops. Anyway hope you enjoyed and like I said the next chapter will be out soon!!

**Author's Note:**

> Well guys, I hope you like it so far! I know a lot of fic's don't portray Costia as the bad guy but I just can't help but hate her a little bit for ever having Lexa as hers. I will try and update every other day so stay tuned!


End file.
